Dear Nabilah,
I’m a 15 year-old-girl with a high libido. I don’t know what to do with it because it’s so disturbing. My parents will never agree to a marriage, besides, I’m just too young for it, but my libido is too advanced for my age. What advice do you give girls like me and my parents too? Are there some effective ways I can lower my libido?
-Teen on Fire
Dear Teen,
My first advice to you is to go for a medical check-up to rule out diseases that can cause high libido in women because there are certain diseases such as polycystic ovarian syndrome whose symptoms include high libido.
I will also advise you to accept it as part of your personality, just like you would have a longer hair than average, an abundance of a smile or higher intelligence than average, accept your high libido as just a type of these higher than average sort of things. Don’t fret or worry about it, just as you wouldn’t worry over having a higher intelligence than normal.
Why not get married if you think you will be able to finish your studies while married? Don’t assume your parents won’t agree. If you can overcome your shyness, use the right approach, then you can successfully convince them to marry you off to safeguard your innocence and honour. If you are to choose this route, then I advise you to start your marriage with an active birth control method so you would be able to complete your studies without the complication of pregnancy, childbirth and nursing. I also advise you to find a middle-aged married man, so there wouldn’t be much demand on you to provide him with the perfect home and family setting considering your age and you still being a student. Also, make sure the man you will be marrying is perfectly suited to you sexually if not, the marriage would be another trouble instead of a solution. There are many unhappily married women suffering because of this particular problem of sexual mismatch.
You have to be courageous about your high libido because, without courage, your high libido could land you in a lot of trouble. So it’s very crucial to not let your high libido control you, rather you should control it and rule over it. Having a high libido doesn’t mean you have to copulate or become promiscuous. There are many valuable uses of high libido and the least of them all is copulation. So discipline your heart and intellect in order to be able to reign in the powers of your libidinous urges. Without this, you might end up simply becoming a slut.
There are certain foods and lifestyles to avoid because they might increase your libido and there are certain foods and lifestyles to embrace because they might lessen your libido. Monitor yourself keenly, observe and take note of foods or activities that tend to increase your libido and also the opposite, develop a strong willpower to be able to avoid such foods or activities that you observed tend to increase your libido and consume/partake such foods and activities that lessen its sharpness
The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “O young men, if you are able to support a wife, get married. Verily, it lowers the gaze and guards chastity. Whoever is not able to do so, he must fast as it will restrain his passions.”
The wisdom here is not just to fast but to fast sincerely for the sake of Allah, that sincerity is the elixir that will make fasting effective at lowering sexual desire and keeping it in check. Many have tried fasting only for the simple reason of lowering their desire or to lose weight and then found out it was not effective. Let’s not forget, fasting is an act of worship first and foremost and to do it without sincerity is the same as not doing it at all.
Scientifically, fasting is found to regulate testosterone levels in the blood which in turn lower the libido, especially intermittent fasting, which the messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said is the best type of fasting.
You can also transmute your abundant sexual energy into some other type of energy and use it in other parts of your life. Sexual transmutation is the process of channelling sexual energy into other areas of our lives. You can conserve and harness your excessive sexual energy for creativity, achieving your goals, making your dreams come true, finishing important boring tasks, etc. It’s a well-known fact that most famous artists and creative people have abundant sexuality but they did not waste it on mindless copulation, instead, they channel it into their creativity and become famous.
There are also some drugs whose side effects include lowering the libido. You can seek medical advice from your doctor to see if it’s possible to prescribe you such drugs. But remember, this can only be used for a short time so your best bet for a longer-term solution is a positive mindset, marriage, lifestyle changes, intermittent fasting and most importantly, sexual transmutation.
A piece of advice to parents is that they should be highly observant of their children when they reach puberty so that they can easily intercept such things as high libido and be able to help and support their children in the best way.
Parents are always busy working to provide necessities to their children thereby overlooking these types of things but they are important too and their effect can be very detrimental to a child’s personality. Parents should also maintain a free and open line of communication so their children will be able to confide in them especially when issues such as this might arise.
