How Burkinabe legislators failed African democracy

Somebody should tell all those small African countries who seem to be in competition with the giant in the limbo to slow down. Naija is not in competition with anyone of them. If we were, we would beat them pants down. By our population alone, we could swallow so many of our neighbours without America knowing – ask President Jones. I know that Boko Haram has tested the will and strength of our military, but our gallant soldiers were planning coups long before some of these countries learnt to shake off the beastly coat tails of their colonial overlords. We made a fad of an illegal act and got away with it.

It was only last week that Yahya Jammeh conceded defeat before the umpire could pronounce a TKO. If that was not an attempt to steal the show from President Jones, then the sun no longer rises from the east. In a few years, Jammeh would be boasting, like Obj that he could’ve stayed forever if he desired it. That kind of talk is Obj’s sole dragging rights. Let’s hope that Jammeh never hopes to lead observer missions to other nations’, he shut the door against observers on December 1.

As at the time of writing this, Ghana was yet to determine who won last week’s polls, which is as it should be. What is the essence of rushing to declare results when the principle of suspense used in literature could apply to elections? Thank you Ghana, for showing that it is not just the Giant of Africa that can make mountains of molehills. I hope you guys shut down all your borders to prevent Osuofia and aliens from voting. If you did, doxology!

Ghana shares many things with Naija, one of which was coups. J.J Rawlings taught Abdulsalami Abubakar that nothing is wrong with a coupist returning to ruin. He taught Jammeh how to transform from khakistocracy to civil rule. We wait to see one of Jammeh’s wives as candidate in the next Gambian election as return match for Nana Konadu Agyeman-Rawlings’ daring. However, if Jammeh attempts to return after a 30-year break, he’ll be a disaster worse than Sai Baba. Dear Mr. Jammeh, please enjoy your retirement as a herbalist healing every disease that the white man declares incurable.

We all know that no democracy survives without the legislathief arm. In Naija, our legislooters bleed us from every orifice. They provide us with enough scandals to gloss over the tragedy. They are puffy with a bloated expectation of their own worth. This nation may bleed to death supporting this monumental waste or go into coma sustaining its avarice. It does not matter what you write or say about this arm of government, as long as you are unworthy of appearing before it as a presidential nominee, their pachydermic skin is able to withstand any poisonous arrow of criticism. 

If you contribute absolutely nothing towards national development, yet earn more than Barack Obama; even in recession you can withstand any critical jab. So, wailers hooted, huffed and puffed, but our legislooters collected their tear-rubber jeeps and have been cruising around with ladies of easy virtues balancing delicately on their potbellies. That too is as it should be; after all, we are talking about the parliament of the sixth biggest producer of crude.

Finally to events in Burkina Faso! Yes, it should have been called Blaiseland until recently. It is hardly in the news for anything good since a mob sent Compaore to an exile of bread and Fanta. But apparently, it has a legislature that listens to the electorate. According to the news, a Korean company donated 130 computers to Burkinabe lawmakers. In Naija, the press would have been invited to witness the event, but in Ouagadougou and environs, there were strident voices against an attempt to compromise the legislature.

You would think that these lawmakers would do the needful, keep their laptops and dare the heavens to fall, but no, these lily-livered lawmakers quickly returned the 130 computers! Now imagine that in Naija. Did I say imagine that, take that back, our legislators, including the daughter of a loudmouth ex-head of government have been known to receive gifts from the ministries and agencies they supervise without qualms. If memory serves us right (thank God it doesn’t) we would remember how agencies buy overseas tickets for their supervising legislators; they collected the ticket and the alawi only to buy new jeep, marry a younger wife or acquire a new set of concubines rather than make the trip. Check the skies above your head, its still there!

Dear Burkinabe, if you were trying to make Naija lawmakers feel shame; it is impossible because they sold their souls to the devil long ago. Our own lawmakers do fine bara at foreign missions. The last time they got free tickets to America, they harassed hotel workers as they do at home, and have retained their seats. Dear Korean company, next time you want to give laptops, come to the unArmed Robbery Zone. They will collect and clean mouth.