Her pace was the same, catlike, as I knew it three decades ago. With her bare feet, she escorted me to the door of the finely designed but sparsely furnished living room and bid me farewell, after a warm reception for about an hour. It was a distance that her equally welcoming husband would have covered with me as with any guest, and to the gate, where the discussion would continue, untiring, and end with asking when I would visit again. But now he is bedridden by a stroke and she does the kinetics of both the wife and the husband. May God hasten his relief.
Their home was a delight of every visitor since I knew it in 1995. They received each of us well—and we were many, too many I thought—without any grain of fatigue. The sumptuous dinner is always there, a traditional and modern cuisine accompanied by hot tea and the milk porridge of Fombina. Every guest is begged to eat, and eat, and eat again. Not even in the best hotels in town would the rich enjoy something similar. In this blessed home, you are served it, free and delightfully.
As we ate, the couple would engage us in the lively discussion on trending and intellectual issues, making the dinner slower and the visit longer. The well read husband will cite a historical antecedent or contemporary event to support your point or prove his claim. If you are not versed in history or science, be ready to learn from the formidable couple.
The family exemplifies the hospitality of the typical northerner. What make theirs different is the pulaaku in which it is embedded. Even according to the old tradition, the couple are a rare breed of modibbo’en, the literary, noble class of the settled Fulbe. I never heard them complain of anyone or anything done them by someone. They never shouted at one another or showed any form of disapproval. The husband relegated her in any form. It is just difficult to notice any form of disagreement between them. They managed their disagreements so well that the public could never notice them. They are truly a family.
Relationships are many times strained by adversity, which comes in form of economic hardship, loss of a dear one, illness, interference, etc. The test for this couple is the stroke that afflicted the husband after his retirement from the Federal Service. I saw it coming. It continued to dig in until it rid him of his freedom of movement. Now he needs a nurse, someone constantly beside him.
The wife, a director in the Federal Civil Service and an mni, could fetch him to a nurse, pay her, and move on with her life. With time she could choose to get fed up with his unending requests, begin to shout at him and even gradually isolate him from her life and children, something that would have pained him more than the stroke he has. She could choose to forget every past they enjoyed together. This is the new normal when you marry barkate nowadays.
My queen did none of the above. She employed no nurse, stayed by his bedside for every moment available to her and has never, for a moment, showed any sign of strain. I was so happy to notice this and envied my friend for having such a wife. There cannot be a better matrimonial gift than this queen of Fombina. In her is exemplified the tenets of brotherhood, friendship, partnership, marriage and, above all, pulaaku. I was so touched by her the night I left the house during my last visit that my heart gave way to my emotions.
Certainly, my friend did not marry barkate 40 years ago. He submitted to the traditional choice from amongst his relatives. And she has not failed. Not only is their house a small Yola in Abuja, but she has proven to be both strong and faithful in the moment of need.
Dedication to each other and to one’s family is epitomised here. It did not end with her hubby but it is all through the way she brought up her children. All the six got the best education any privileged child can get at home and overseas. The well behaved children must be proud of her just as the husband is.
May God bring relief to our friend. May his sufferings escalate his position before the Most High as he endures every pain in his condition of trial.
As she celebrates her birthday today, I would like to, by this piece, extend the profound appreciation of all the friends to her husband and pray for more endurance and reward from the Almighty. She has done us proud and may ours not be found wanting when our own moment of trial comes.
Amma, my Queen, happy birthday.
Dr. Aliyu U. Tilde
Bauchi
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