Handling a gossiping spouse

There are very few hard and fast rules when it comes to marriage. We are all different, with different kinds of ways to handle our relationships.

Marriage is a relationship between two adults of the opposite sex. But what some couples fail to realize is that gossip can be a major threat to their home, especially when it is between a mother and her son about his wife and a wife and her family about her husband. This has caused a lot of problems in so many homes today that led to separations, divorces, spousal abuse et al.

What is gossiping? It is an unrestrained and derogatory conversation about other people, and it often involves betraying a confidence and spreading sensitive information or hurtful judgments about them.

A big part of dealing with people who gossip about you is understanding gossip, the thoughts that run in the mind of those who gossip and the psychology behind it.

But then what would you do if the person who gossips about you is your spouse? In other words, how would you handle a gossiping spouse? Lifextra spoke to a cross section of Nigerians and they expressed their views on how they would handle such persons.

Dadson Ibrahim, who is single and based in Abuja, said “So many people have a blind spot in regards to their spouses. Due to the normal intimacy of the marital relationship, we have a tendency to share everything. This results in talking about things that we shouldn’t. 

“This is damaging to everyone because once something is said it can’t be taken back. To me, I will handle them by ignoring what does not concern me and advice the spouse to respect their privacy.”

Muhammad Bello Sada, a Katsina-based lecturer and married, advises “Pray.” He added “What can you do to a gossiping spouse? You can’t stop discussing issues with your spouse, which is inconceivable.” 

When Lifextra sought to know if he would divorce his spouse because of that? His response was “I don’t think so. This is a clear case of necessary evil. You can only watch yourself and know what kind of issues you will talk with your spouse. Also sensitive and private issues should not be discussed. And life goes on.”

Firdous Abu Bakr who is also married, responded thus “Simple! I will just caution the spouse a lot and cite examples of the possible consequences especially at work, because everyone wants to be admired and respected at work place, and trust of the boss is certainly not affordable to any gossip king/queen.

Speaking to Lifextra, Adamu Usman Garko in Gombe State, said “Don’t tell anyone anything about your personal life but make sure she goes home and inform the parents to stay with her for some time so that the personal life you hide from people will be known to her parents and they will know who their daughter is and if really they care about her, they will caution her in a way that no one can. 

“So if she understands that what she is doing is not good, she will return to my house but if she doesn’t change after some time, she will return to where she came from, because she can destroy my life.”

Amina Abdullahi, a graduate, simply said “Easy I will say but I have to put God first and then make him/her your gossip partner; that is, your ‘very’ good friend. Let your spouse know that God do not like those who gossip so he should stop it.

“I’ll also let him know that I have interest in things concerning him rather than other people’s and that being judgmental about others is not the best way to help them.

“I’ll spend a lot of time with him so that there’ll be no time for gossiping or seeing things to gossip about. I’ll look for something to keep him busy and make him realise there are much better things to use our precious time for because time is important,” she concluded.