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Gift giving: Why it’s not men’s only call

I like the smile, and happiness she radiates each time I give her a gift; I do not have a specific time frame to pick…

I like the smile, and happiness she radiates each time I give her a gift; I do not have a specific time frame to pick a gift but occasionally, I buy her gifts to surprise her, said Nosa Efe, a father of four kids.

Efe said exchange of gifts in marriage is very important to the constant renewal of marriage vows.

Though he believes that gifting should be two-way, he added that “It gives joy and thrill to the receiving partner. It’s not the cost of the gift that matters to the one receiving it but the thought of being loved and appreciated.”

Most people seem to overlook the power of giving gifts in relationships. While many shy away from it in the name playing smart, many however understand the impact giving gifts to loved ones has in their relationship.

Many believe that giving a gift to someone has a way of making them feel accepted, loved, adored and cared for.

A psychologist, Jeremy Nicholson, in a write-up tagged, ‘What Message Do Your Gifts Send?’, said both men and women use gifts to maintain existing interpersonal relationships.

Primarily, gifts are a way to mark special occasions, show affection, or apologise for a mistake.

Nicholson said it appears that gift giving is a form of emotional expression in relationships that becomes more important over time.

“In established relationships, gift giving becomes more emotional and symbolic. Gifts are used to show appreciation and gratitude.

“For men, gifts may also be a way to help show their value as a mate and keep their partner attentive. This gifting strategy does not work as well for women, however, as men often respond much better to sexual reciprocation to keep them attentive,” he said.

When you give gift to your partner, especially when she is not expecting it, she feels appreciated and gives you love in return. This gives credence to the saying, “When you show a woman 50 percent care, she will give you 100 percent love,” said Joy Madu, a housewife.

Madu said, though giving gift should not just be coming from the men alone, women should also learn to surprise their men with gifts; this according to her will increase their bound and appreciate each other.

For Amaka Nwaorah, gifts are very important in any relationship; because it means that you care for each other and appreciate each other’s presence.

“As often as you can afford, it shouldn’t be limited to just on special days like birthdays, wedding anniversaries etc. and it shouldn’t be one sided. Both parties should be involved,” she said.

A public speaker, Olugbenga Adanikin said gift is very essential in every relationship. “It kind of creates a sort of assurance from both parties that they both appreciate each other.

“Usually it’s expected of men to offer gifts to their wives but not limited to the male gender. As much as gift is needed to fuel love, material gift is not enough but also genuine attention,” he said.

Olugbenga said, often times, most women mistake gifts as a sign of affection, that a man cares so much about them but others prefer physical attention than gifts.

He however maintained that you don’t necessarily need to buy huge gift before you appreciate your wife with one.

“Anything simple and nice could do. Gift rekindles love; gift should be given occasionally but not always and exchange of gifts should be from both parties,” he said.

A relationship counsellor, James Ojonugwa, had told Daily Trust that every true relationship must give, share and appreciate what is given. Giving has a way of weathering the storms in relationship and making your partner feel loved and cared for.

“Notwithstanding, the gift we share is not only money or items, your ability to forgive is a gift, your ability to encourage your partner is a gift, your ability to listen to her talk is a gift and your ability to invest your time with her is a gift too; the proof of love is the investment of time,” Ojonugwa added.

He said an African man should not believe that giving money to a woman could buy love, “because love does not develop in giving money, but how you relate and at what instances you give and your reason for giving is what matters.