Generosity taken too far

I am in a dilemma, my friend. I have told this man that I am not interested in him in the best words I can but he keeps saying that he knows one day I will have a change of heart towards him. He sends me airtime almost every week, buys things for me and sometimes my siblings. He also has this habit of buying foodstuff for my house at the end of every month. I always ask him why he does these things since I am not married to him but he always responds ‘Can’t I take care of you like a sincere friend or sister anymore? I know there are no strings attached’.  Just this week, he sent me a huge sum of money to get whatever I need for the Ramadan period because he is away. A friend of mine says it shouldn’t be so since we aren’t dating. Please have I done anything wrong by accepting these gifts?” Agnes asks.

Isioma Ogbonna, 38-year-old accountant, says, “I don’t think she is doing anything wrong as long as she had earlier told the man her stand. But on the other hand, he is human and we can’t be sure of what his intentions are concerning her. To be on the safe side, I think she should let him know she is not okay with the kind of gifts he sends her, and reiterate her stand concerning their relationship. It may be that he is just helping her.”

Adam Aliyu, 40-year-old nurse, asks, “What sort of help is that? If you ask me, I would say it’s a help taken too far. She already told him she isn’t interested, so why is she collecting gifts from him? There is a proverb in my place that says ‘if you say you don’t like the fish, then don’t eat the soup made from it’. She should have it at the back of her mind that as long as she keeps collecting these gifts, she is giving him the wrong signal that she is ready to accept him. This is Nigeria; nothing goes for nothing when it comes to a man and a woman.”

Jamila Haruna, 39-year-old pharmacist, however disagrees with her friend, “Why do we always think that when a man does something for a woman it is because he has ulterior motives or wants something in return from her? Since she has told him where she stands with him, I don’t think she should reject his gifts. When he brings, she should collect, thank and pray for him. She should keep the relationship very platonic and make sure she calls him brother or uncle as the case maybe. And if she eventually changes her mind and accepts him, then I have news for her. Lady, you just made your life a living hell. He will so deal with you after marriage because he knows you were just after what he has to offer and do not genuinely love him.”

Funsho Ajayi, 38-year-old entrepreneur, says, “She can’t eat her cake and have it. It’s normal not to like someone but what’s more abnormal is to turn around and collect gifts from him. My sister, awof dey run belle ooo.”