I had been sitting at the Lagos airport for a while and a young lady walked up to me in the middle of flight delays, long waits and irritation. She looked friendly and came along with her 16-year-old daughter. ‘I am a huge fan’, she said in a near whisper. I smiled. I was trying to finish my newly acquired copy of Sheryl Goldberg’s Option B, a book she wrote with her psychiatrist Adam after she lost her husband in Mexico. A book on resilience, self-worth and managing grief. The Lady stared hard at the book and I had to say, ‘Oh, it’s a really nice book’.
She studied my face, gave a weak smile and ordered as all African parents that her daughter greets me. ‘Greet Aunty’, she said. While the daughter curtsied, she handed her a 500 naira note, ‘Oya, go and get a snack and a drink’. As the girl turned to go, I noticed huge black spots on her tender face. Then her mother sat beside me. Unexpected. ‘So how are you’, I found myself saying. ‘Fine ma’, she responded, a certain heaviness in her voice. ‘I see your daughter has spots’, I said to her. ‘Just like me. I battled it all my life.’ The woman’s face lit up. I added cautiously, ‘it can affect some young girl’s self-esteem’. She nodded vigorously. ‘It’s a huge problem’, affecting her grades and making her withdraw’, she said. And that began a lifelong friendship.
The 16-year-old now, a 20 years beautiful girl, the mother a happier person. lf-esteem and self-worth is a big issue today, among teenagers and among adults who loathe how they look and think they are not good enough. Every body part is self – criticised and we spend our life time comparing ourselves to others. This can affect a successful career and can even lead to depression. In relationships, it can lead to attracting abusive behaviour from your partner. Your 2020 mantra should be self- love. Believe me, you are enough. Accept and be less self-critical. You have so many features that others don’t have.
If you think you are too tall and awkward, someone who is small wishes to be like you, if you think you are not brilliant enough, check out those who did not go to school. Choose joy and happiness, complain less and begin to love yourself. In addition, remember that teenagers have peer pressure and also too much media. You need to guide them gently to be self-accepting. It can be hard but we must try. Here are five books to help you and yours along.
1. The gifts of imperfection. Let go of who you think you are supposed to be and embrace who you are by Bene Brown. This incredible book was on the New York times top 20 books when it was published and it is no surprise that that the author’s Ted Talk is among the top five most popular Ted Talks of all times. This is a book which gives guidance for wholehearted living and for living your life from a place of worthiness. Chapters I this book include, Cultivating Authenticity, letting go of what people think. Cultivating Creativity, letting go of comparisons. This book tells you straight up that you are enough.
2. The confidence code by BBC correspondent and Anchor Katty Kay and another broadcaster Claire Shipman. This book addresses career women and everyone for that matter on how to build your confidence. Using behavioural science and life experiences they conclude that A substantial part of the confidence code is our choice. With diligent effort, we can choose to expand our confidence. But we will get there only if we stop trying to be perfect and start being prepared to fail. And to get up again, believing in ourselves and our self-worth. A great book.
3. The gifts of imperfection. Let go of who you think you are supposed to be and embrace who you are by Bene Brown. This incredible book was on the New York times top 20 books when it was published and it is no surprise that that the author’s Ted Talk is among the top five most popular Ted Talks of all times. This is a book which gives guidance for wholehearted living and for living your life from a place of worthiness. Chapters I this book include, Cultivating Authenticity, letting go of what people think. Cultivating Creativity, letting go of comparisons. This book tells you straight up that you are enough.
4. I heart me, the science of self-love by David Hamilton. This is a book written by a scientist who delved into the science of self-love. So if you are a facts and figures kind of person, this is the book for you. The author’s interest is in neuroscience research and this book has 27 exercises meant to reprogram your brain.
5. Finally, it is important to understand that the longest love relationship you will ever have is with yourself. We all need to pump ourselves up from time to time. Not the arrogant rude type of self-entitled people but the one that tells you that you are alright and those things that make you look out for yourself and congratulate yourself for how far you have come. You are a bad ass, how to stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life by world famous life coach Jen sincere is a go-to book for anyone with self-esteem issues. There are tips on how to stop self-sabotage and start living the life you want.
BONUS BOOKS:
The self-love experiment by Sharon Kaiser.
Mastering your mean girl, The No BS guide to silencing your inner critic and becoming wildly wealthy, fabulously healthy and bursting with love by Melissa Ambrosini.
The happiness project by Gretchen Rubin
Any book on faith. Faith avails much for self-worth and self-esteem. And Proverbs and the psalms in the bible tell you how you are uniquely made and special in the sight of God.
How to love yourself and sometimes other people by Lodro Rinzler and Megan Watterson. Using Christin mysticism and Bhudism, the writers help you untangle relationships and self-worth. Indeed, who you are with can take a bash at your self-esteem. Don’t hang around toxic people. They poison you and you begin to be mean to other people.
2020 is your year of self-love. Go out there and shine. You are enough. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.
