Finding the right time to have kids

Her reason was that her husband had warned her pregnancy about bearing him more children, saying that the two he already had were enough burden. In each family, there are many factors involved in deciding when to have children and it normally is not a simple decision. But carrying the pregnancy to term and abandoning it to die is not in the slightest way any fair treatment to give to a newborn baby no matter the circumstances.

“We are only agents by the Almighty. We cannot decide when and if we want to have children. Even if we do any family planning, if God has destined that we will bring forth the child, we will and nobody can stop it. In the first place, why will I carry a pregnancy to term and decide to abandon it all for the sake of avoiding the wrath of my husband?

“If anything should happen to the child, the blood will definitely be on my head. If he does not want any more children, he should have stopped sleeping with her, but he still went ahead to sleep with her without any precautionary measures. It just doesn’t seem right, they definitely have a big question to answer on the day of judgement for all the pregnancy they have aborted,” says Mrs Rabiat Abdulkareem.

“Even if you decided to have two or more children, most times you wonder if your life would have been easier with only one child. But as we were brought up, children are not our making; they are a gift from God. The man is just being unrealistic.

“When I read the story, I felt pity for the woman and at the same time felt she did not deserve the custody of that child because no matter what, a mother is supposed to protect her baby from any danger, but she did the opposite just for the sake of a man. I can never discard my child at the expense of my husband. Any man who asks me to terminate a pregnancy that God has blessed us with is just not fit to be called a man or even a father. She made a very grievous mistake because one day, quote me, the man will leave her and move on with another woman. And then, where would that leave her?” Mrs Amina Bello asks in dismay.

As most parents will attest, children are wonderful and worth the various deprivations and arguments. While it is true, that does not mean you should decide to have a baby simply because every other person is having a child as this is the argument of Mr Patrick Steven Obinna. “There must have been reasons for the man to decide that he does not want another child. At least, he was honest with her and warned her against having aa child.

“Children are a blessing to us but when we bring them to the world and we cannot provide the basic necessities of life for them, then of what use are we as parents? But then, they should have taken precautionary measures to prevent the pregnancy. That child is too young to start experiencing the cruelties of this world and secondly the woman in question is not fit to be called a mother. A mother no matter what is always protective of her child. What happens if the only child you have dies?”

Mr Adetunji Hassan believes that proper decisions are the only way that one can effectively raise a humble and stable home. “This is something that has to be negotiated by both partners to reach a compromise and it should not be done if one is not at peace with it. Ultimately, the best time to have kids is when you are ready to have them emotionally, physically and financially. Kids are a gift from the Almighty and we cannot afford to have them suffering in the world. We owe it a duty to protect them. Children do not decide when they want to come, it is God that gives them to us and he has a purpose for giving us that opportunity as there are millions of couples who are looking for that opportunity, but cannot find it.”

The big question here is why carry the pregnancy to term and abandon it to die when she could simply have taken it to an orphanage? Also, what responsible husband would accuse his wife of wanting to kill him with babies that they both willingly made without precautionary measures? It’s quite strange what the world is turning to.