Expensive marriage festers in Nigerian communities (IV)

Expensive marriage is a phenomenal culture in different communities. It is shaped by diverse sociocultural and economic undercurrents.

Daily Trust draws the curtain on the expensive marriage series that has been on the spotlight in the last four weeks, with the trends in the South-East.

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Findings by our correspondents show that expensive marriage trends in the Eastern part of the country with growing sociocultural and economic implications. For any marriage to take place in communities where marriage is expensive, all the marital rites and obligations must be fulfilled by the groom before he is given the bride as wife, no matter how expensive it is.

But while parents, family and community members benefit from the high cost, the groom and family members are under pressure to satisfy the marriage conditions. After the marriage, the couple may begin to struggle with hardship.

Delay of marriage among marriage age youth is another factor.   At 50, some men remain unmarried in parts of Igboland where marriage is expensive.  Also, girls in such communities remain spinsters protractedly as men marry other tribes where marriage is affordable.

Daily Trust on Sunday reports that diverse scenarios on expensive marriage play out in different communities with underlying undertones.

Dead husband’s family compelled to pay expensive bride price after wife’s demise

Ifeoma (second name withheld) died intestate last Monday. Since then,  her husband’s relatives have been making arrangements for her burial. The preparations were going on smoothly until her parents brought a caveat: “Ifeoma will not be buried until all customs pertaining to her marriage are fulfilled.”

It was discovered that Ifeoma had been living with her late husband, Oliver, (not real name) and had three children.  But all the marriage rites were not fulfilled before they started living together.

Ifeoma’s corpse is still lying in the mortuary three months after her death because the husband who would have paid the marriage rites is no more and his relatives are unwilling to perform the task.

Daily Trust on Sunday gathered that when the marriage rites were to be fulfilled, Oliver found them too exorbitant. He pleaded with the parents and family of his wife to reduce the costs, but to no avail. He was told that the marriage list was drawn by the entire community and no individual could alter it. As love birds, Oliver and Ifeoma, who both hailed from Orlu in Imo State, agreed to continue to live together until Oliver could afford the money to consummate the union. But sadly, the couple died before they could do the needful.

This is one out of other socio-cultural and economic factors shaping marriages in Igboland.

Findings by our correspondents indicate that expensive marriage scares many young Igbo men so much that they to seek brides outside Igboland where it is less expensive.

Consequently, ladies in expensive marriage communities that are stranded as spinsters, endure the shame of living with men who are yet to fulfil their marital rites just because they want to feel married. But the relationship is not recognised by their relatives and community people.

Also, the cultural and traditional rigours involving marriage, especially the long and expensive ‘to do’ lists make it difficult and near impossible for some men to get married so much that even at 50, some of them still remain bachelors.

Our correspondents gathered that marriage lists differ from one community to another, but share common elements. For instance, there is a list for young men (Umu Nwoke), young ladies (Umu Agbogho), Ndi Nne (married women) Ndi Okenye (old men) Ndi Ichie (titled holders) and so on. Sometimes a would-be in-law is expected to contribute to a community project. Some of the projects may be community or town halls, a water project or  a community market. This is not a matter of preference because they had already been captured in the list. In some cases, the suitor may be shown a piece of land where the family is planning to erect a building for the first son.

In Igboland, the traditional marriage list known as ‘standard list’ is often prepared by the community. This makes it almost impossible for the parents of the bride to influence the list to favour their son-in-law to be.

Categories of gifts

Umu-ada means daughters and the gift is expected to be shared among all the grown up daughters in the bride’s extended family.

Gifts in this category include wrappers (George or abada such as Vlisco Hollandais, ABC, Nigerian wax), Igbo-style lace blouses, Igbo Ichafu scarfs (assorted styles and colours), shoes and bags (assorted designs and colours), jewellery (wrist watches, earrings, necklaces and rings in either gold, silver, gold plated/ GL), toiletries (bath soaps, body creams, washing detergents, perfumes etc), beverages, drinks (malt and soft drinks) as well as a lump sum cash gift.

Gifts for the kinsmen (Umunna). This category is shared among the males/ heads of the extended family of the bride to be. They include, kola nuts, cartons of drinks (malt, soft drinks and beer), goat and a lump sum cash gift.

The third category is known as general gifts which is basically for ‘opening the door’ (Nmepe Uzo or Imepe Uzo). In this category, the bride price is negotiable. But other items to be provided include drinks such as cartons of malt, crates of soft drinks, tubers of yams, bags of rice, bags of salt, onions, palm oil, groundnut oil, kerosene, stock fish, meat, bread, tins of tomatoes, tins of milk, sets of (George or Abada such as Vlisco Hollandais, ABC, Nigerian wax), Igbo style lace blouses, Igbo Ichafu, scarfs, wrist watches, gold necklaces, large suitcase, lamp / lantern, umbrella among others. But the first category of gift is cash gift which is offered during the traditional marriage ceremony.

In this category, the symbolic cash gifts that the groom-to-be and his family are expected to negotiate and pay are include money to bring down the pot from the fire, money for in-laws, money for maternity bill, money for the village chief (ego onye eze) and a lump sum cash (ogwe ego). The money ranges from N1,000 to N5,000 depending on the negotiation.

A girl child belongs to the community

In Igboland, a girl child is looked upon as not only belonging to her family, but to the entire community. It is therefore a taboo for a family to give out their daughter in marriage  without the consent of the community.  Such action always attracts sanctions from the entire community. A family that did not share the proceeds of marriage rites with the entire community is not expected to benefit from that of other families in the community. Such a family is not even expected to go near the traditional marriage rites of another family.

In Igboland, marriage is seen as a strong bond between the families involved. This is why divorce rate is low. A woman cannot just leave her marriage on any flimsy excuse because her family runs the risk of paying back all or part of what was spent on her.

Lists differ from community to community

Daily Trust on Sunday observed that there is no uniform marriage list in Igboland as every community has its own peculiar list.  Apart from the bride price, the list is always dreaded. It may contain yards of expensive cloth, trinkets and so on.  In some societies, a box containing different types of expensive wrappers is expected to be purchased by the suitor for either the bride or her mother. All these have raised the stakes in marriage institutions in Igboland.

In Abia State, with over 5,000 autonomous communities, they all run their marriage affairs differently, especially the traditional marriage rites. In Umuahia South Local Government Area, there are communities that share boundaries.  Yet, they have different ways of performing traditional marriage rites and their lists are different.

The Ngwa people constitute the largest and most populous sub-ethnic group or clan in the South-Eastern Nigeria. They constitute nine of the 17 local government areas in the state. They are said to be one of the ethnic groups that have the most expensive marriage culture in Nigeria.

The Nkpa people of the state are found in Bende Local Government Area. Marrying an Nkpa lady is very expensive, especially if you are not from the community. The list for the traditional marriage rites is designed in such a way that it is cheaper for an Nkpa man that is getting married to a lady from the community. But  a non-indigene must be ready to organize a marriage ceremony for the entire community. He is also expected to buy gifts not only for the parents of the bride, but also for all the kinsmen (Umu nna) and their daughters (Umu Ada). At the end of these all, he would have spent well over N7,000 on gifts alone.

A community leader in Umueziala autonomous community in Umuahia South, Chinagorom Nwabueze, said that in most communities, the suitor is required to pay a certain amount of money to the men and women of the community.

He added that the amount is between N100,000 and N500,000, excluding entertainment and other things. On the day of the traditional marriage, the community would ask the family of the bride if the groom had settled with the family before they could proceed with the occasion.

The Mbaise people of Imo State are also believed to have one of the most expensive lists. Prospective suitors commonly describe expensive list as Mbaise List.

Daily Trust on Sunday, however gathered that there is now a social revolution with a reduction of marital costs to ease marriage in the land.

Amby Uneze, a journalist and native of Mbaise, said that changes from expensive marriage had started taking shape because every parent wants their daughters to get married.

“It used to be like that in the past, but there is no rigidity today as it’s the joy of every parent to see their children settle down comfortably. Yes, the list may contain much, but if for instance you are asked to buy 20 tubers of yams, you can buy five and monetize the rest. Sometimes, the monetary value is far less. It’s sometimes negotiable, but in the end, such money is accepted in the spirit of love,” he said.

Uneze added that N200,000 could be enough to complete all the marriage rites.

Ugonne, also a native of Mbaise, said that it depended on the agreement between the suitor and his would-be in-laws.

“There is nothing exorbitant about the list. Depending on the agreement between the suitor and the other family, they may ask him to just settle the list pertaining to Ndi amala, that is, the kinsmen,” he said.

Expensive wedding not cultural – Dons

A sociologist, Mr Okechekwu Maduforo, said that in the past, expensive marriage in Igboland was not cultural among the people.

He said that in the past, there was nothing like marriage list or rites, but nowadays, there are different lists for graduates, school certificate holders, working-class ladies as well as lists for indigenes and non-indigenes.

“The tradition in the Igbo culture in the past was that when a man saw a lady that he wanted to marry, he would visit the lady’s family to announce his intention. In most cases, he would go with kolanuts and some drinks,” he said.

After this, they would discuss other items to be provided to seal the union.

“These may include a goat or cock for the traditional ritual. But today, you see people producing expensive lists for different people who want to marry their daughters,” he said.

He lamented that the practice had made many mature ladies to remain single because their suitors are unable to meet the demand.

“Expensive marriage is doing the people no good because it is causing a lot of problems for the young ladies. Some young men who don’t have the resources to marry would resort to impregnating the girl, thereby forcing a reduction in the list,” he noted.

A senior lecturer in the Department of African and Asian Language at Nnamdi Azikiwe University, Awka, Anambra State, Dr Alex Aneado, said that expensive marriage lists was not a part of Igbo culture.

He added that the normal way of marrying in Igboland was to fulfil the rituals which involve meeting the parents of the girls with gallons of drinks, kolanuts after which the bride price would be fixed.

Aneado  also disclosed that marriage involved the appeasing of the gods and the ancestors.

“The goat or the fowl is meant to appease the gods and ancestors, telling them that their granddaughter is being given out in marriage.

“But the recent situation where people produce all kinds of lists for marriage is not normal. You can see that the current expensive marriage is leaving many ladies up to the ages of 50 and above without husbands. Sometimes, many ladies are now sponsoring their marriages and when such is happening, it raises some questions about the development,” he said.

Culture enthusiast, Dr Chuks Osuji, noted that the rigours, notwithstanding, if one succeeds in marrying an Igbo lady, the marriage is usually a family affair between every member of the two families.

A young graduate, Obogena Nnamdi, said that he desired to marry from his ethnic background because “Igbo ladies are well-trained, industrious, beautiful and accommodating. They are always big pillars in their families.”

Forty-two-year-old Njideka Okafor, a mechanic from Obingwa, Abia State, said that his inability to raise money to marry from his place had made him remain single.

According to him, he is considering marrying from any tribe where marriage is not expensive.

From Jude Aguguo Owuamanam (Owerri), Linus Effiong (Umuahia) & Titus Eleweke (Awka)