Marriage is commonly defined as an institution. It is a legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship between a man and a woman as regulated by law, custom and tradition.
Before the union takes place, certain rites based on culture and tradition must be fulfilled by the man.
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Commonly, these involve bride price and gift items. It is only when the requirements are met by the man and accepted by the parents of the wife to be that marriage can be said to have taken place. The requirements can be very or less expensive.
However, the practice varies in every ethnic background based on the culture and tradition of the land. While marriage is expensive in some places, it is cheap in other places.
Daily Trust explores the situation from the northern part of the country in this first series.
Daily Trust takes a look at the socio-cultural and economic implications of marriage practices in some parts of the North.
Findings by our correspondents indicate that expensive marriage is common in different parts of the land, but less expensive in other places.
In places where it is expensive, it has deprived a lot of men that are ripe for marriage of getting married. This accounts for the increased rate of bachelors and spinsters.
In some cases, some men go to other places where marriage is cheap to marry.
While girls in places where marriage is expensive hardly find suitors and are stranded, those in places where it is cheap find suitors and get married easily.
In some parts of the land, the bride is highly-priced, while in other climes, no price is attached. While some parents give out their daughters free of charge, others collect high prices in whopping amounts.
But in other places, it is less expensive. It takes place easily through a symbiotic exchange of gift items between the representatives of the couple to be. The prospective husband only pays a paltry sum of money during ceremonies and other marriage rites that are not expensive and gets married.
Daily Trust on Sunday’s findings show that the major implication of expensive marriage is that, if the husband to does not have the wherewithal to embark on expensive marriage, he either elopes with the bride or impregnates her and then comes back later to marry her through the back door at a relatively less price.
In places where it is expensive, elders intervene by stipulating certain conditions and guidelines to lessen the price and other burdens involved to make it affordable.
According to experiences shared with our correspondents by some married men, marriage is very expensive in Tiv land, Benue State.
A young man, Kene Kenneth, who got married in June this year, disclosed that he spent a total of N637,500 instead of the N1.5 million that he was earlier charged by his in-laws for the traditional marriage. A Tiv of Vandekiya extraction, Kenneth said he was given two lists: One for the male and the other for the female relations of his in-laws. The lists contained the items required for the marriage rites.
“I bought six 20- litre jerry cans of palm oil, 10 bags of salt, three goats, two cartons of maggi, drinks, basin, tray, mat, plastic table and chairs, grass cutters, wheelbarrow and a bag of onions,” he said.
“I paid a total dowry of N170,000 instead of the initial N250,000 charged. This was after a lot of bargain was done by both families. My bride’s family members finally agreed to N100,000 instead of N150,000 for the father, while the mother accepted N70,000 instead of the initial N100,000 charged,” he added.
“All these excluded the money spent when the lists were collected, the introduction, knowing my wife’s family members and the white wedding. There was a stage that I also gave a cow and a goat to the family members,” he said.
Kenneth whose wife also hails from Vandekiya, however, explained that the marriage culture in Tiv land sometimes varies. According to him, there are parts of Tiv land where marriage is cheap.
Following some intolerable implications of expensive marriage, the Tiv Area Traditional Council (TATC) set up some moderation guidelines to ensure that marriage requirements do not exceed certain amounts. The council also pegged total expenses, including dowry, at N100,000. This, however, varies from place to place.
The TATC’s decision to peg marriage rites in Tivland was contained in a communique issued at the end of the General Assembly (Ijirtamen) of the Tiv nation held at the TATC Chambers on Friday, August 17, 2018 and was chaired by the Tor Tiv, Professor James Ayatse.
“The practice of holding festivities in the house of the girl’s parents popularly known as traditional marriage involving parties marked by cutting of cake, dancing and other fanfare should be discontinued as it is alien to the Tiv way of life. Celebration of a new wife is done by the Tiv people only in the husband’s house,” the statement read in part.
“Violation of this marriage tradition shall attract boycott by traditional rulers and elders and the denial of traditional marriage registration, including other traditional sanctions as the community may deem appropriate.”
But it appears that the TATC’s decision is not being adhered to as marriages are still being conducted above the stipulated amount.
Towards ensuring that marriage practices are guided along moderation and affordability lines, the TATC also banned the practice of holding marriage festivities in the house of the bride’s parents during traditional marriages. This was on the grounds that such party-like activities are alien to the Tiv culture.
Kenneth lamented that the TATC’s ban on expensive marriages had never been respected in any part of Tiv land. He noted that even when he attempted to raise the issue when he was getting married, he was berated as not being serious about the marriage.
“All of these are why at least 60 per cent of young men in Tiv land marry through the backdoors. They would get their ladies pregnant or elope with them so that their families can later accept them to perform the conjugal rites at a lesser amount. The parents who would not want the shame on their families would be forced to accept the marriage rites performed on the terms of the men who took their daughters away,” he added.
Similarly, Emmanuel Antswen, another Tiv young man who took a bride recently from the same ethnic group, maintained that the two marriage rites lists were cultural.
“My in-laws gave me two lists but it was to fulfill the requirements of the tradition. They didn’t force me to bring everything on the lists on the day of the ceremony. The list contains the main traditional requirements needed for a typical Tiv marriage,” he said.
“I was to provide red oil, onions, salt and maggi for the women and provide money for very important traditional marriage rites. I provided drinks and was asked to bring a dowry of N200,000,” he added.
“In Tiv tradition, payment of dowry is a continuous process. One is not required to pay the amount demanded completely at a time. Dowry in some cases can be on credit. So, it can’t stop marriage from taking place. The most important thing during marriage in Tiv land is the marriage rites,” he stressed.
In Nasarawa, high cost of dowry scares Eggon suitors
The fear of high bride price being placed on ladies by their parents has become a hindrance to marriage among Eggon people of Nasarawa State.
A 25-year-old woman, Ashezi Awayo, who expressed her plight in a chat with Daily Trust on Sunday said she found a suitor to marry, but the high bride price scared the man away. Consequently, she lost the opportunity to marry the man of her choice.
“Suitors are therefore hard to come by. Even, the dowry is not as expensive and scary as the traditional requirements which Eggon people have commercialized.
“During marriage, a lot of food are loaded in basins but not all are consumed but become food for pigs,” she added.
On why young ladies in the 21st century are finding it difficult to get suitors of their choice, the paramount ruler of Eggon nation, Dr Bala Angbazo, said the fear of high bride price scares suitors from asking girls’ hands in marriage.
The Aren Eggon, who stated this during his 40th anniversary, cautioned parents to desist from placing high price on their female children.
He added that when he assumed the mantle of leadership, most young men and women in Eggon land were scared of marrying from their ethnic descent. The result, he said, was that Eggon girls, despite their beauty and humility are mostly spinsters.
The traditional ruler came up with a policy which pegged dowry in Eggon land at not more than N15, 000.00 as against the former N100,000.
However, the policy attracted mixed feelings among people. While some hailed it, others wondered how he could enforce a dowry reduction and traditional food ‘game.’
“It is instructive to note that much has been achieved from this policy implementation. Suffice to say that the message sank into the people,” the monarch said.
“As at today, the Eggon nation is yet to come to terms with the reality of the times with regards to the harmful effects of this practice. The future will be better if another thought is given to this ugly development,” he stressed.
In Kanuri dowry is cheap, marriage rites expensive
In Kanuri culture, marriage begin with betrothal ceremonies and followed by wedding which is fixed at a later date. In between, some traditional rites are carried out by the groom and the bride’s families, while gift items are also presented.
The most senior female traditional title holder in Borno, Ya Maira, Hajja Mali Shehu Umar Garbai, who explained the marriage procedures explained that few of the antiquated traditions had been modernized and simplified. She added that gifts given by suitors were not uniform.
According to her, the first and most important stage prior to the wedding is for the suitor or his relatives to meet the Luwari or Al-Wali, the giver who could be father, uncle, brother, or relation of the bride-to-be to ask for her hand in marriage. At this stage, certain quantities of Kolanuts are presented to the Luwari from the suitor. Then a time would be fixed for the Raaki if an agreement is reached with the Luwari. Raaki is carried out when representatives of the groom-to-be present gift items, including Ankara wax prints, clothes, Kolanuts, sweets, henna, perfumes, cosmetics and money for manicures to the bride-to-be.
This tradition, according to Ya Maira is, however, being transformed in the sense that a certain amount of money is given to the representatives of the bride-to-be instead of gift items. In return, they also present gift items in form of bags of wheat, rice e.t.c in appreciation. Then both families agree on the wedding date and Sadawu (dowry) is fixed. The gift items, according to Ya Maira, are given based on the abilities of both parties. A well-to-do family could present supplementary gifts. But there are instances where suitors show ostentation and do more.
A few other rites are observed by both parties, but the major one is the Nyaa which is the wedding procedure. A day before the wedding, the bride family would prepare Nakiya (rice snack) and other food items in addition to a bag of rice, sugar, oil, honey, Man Shanu (butter), e.t.c. which would be given to the representatives of the groom-to-be after they had brought Kususuram to the bride-to-be. Kususuram comprises different types of clothing materials, cosmetics, shoes and adornment in boxes, depending on the ability of the bride-to –be. Wealthy suitors could present up to five sets of wedding boxes, including extra ones for the parents and relatives of the bride-to-be, while those that are not affluent could present a box of gift items.
Kususuram and Sadawu, which some suitors prefer to gold coins, are the strength of wedding procedures. However, Islamic scholars pegged the dowry in June 2021 at N26, 569 which is the minimum that a suitor can pay to get his bride.
A day before the wedding, a Bujingnata ceremony is performed in the evening by the family members of the bride-to-be where she is made to sit on the white mat and some traditional rites are performed. In the morning, Dila music is performed by women, while at night, Wushe-Wushe dance is held when the bride-to-be dances together with the groom-to-be and well-wishers spay money at the event.
A day after the wedding, Klatul is performed when relatives of the bride wash her hairs with a mixture of substances.
Our correspondent gathered that expensive traditional marriage procedures in the land have hampered suitors’ chances in getting married. Some parents are forced to obtain loans to marry off their daughters.
In Maiduguri, Bunu Hassan, 25, said that though most of the procedures were unnecessary, he would save enough money for Kususuram and Wushe-Wushe before he gets married.
Aminu Momammed who married off his two daughters this year said that he spent a huge amount of money to buy furniture for them.
Why we enacted marriage law in Kanya Babba – Dagaci Kamal
Kanya Babba, a community in Babura Local Government Area of Jigawa State, recently enacted a Marriage Regulatory Law. The initiative is intended to ease high marriages expenses and guarantee marriage chances among marriage age adults.
Kannya Babba is one of the three towns in Jigawa State that has effective laws governing the conduct of marriages. The others are Gumel and Aujara local government areas.
Under the new law tagged: “Marriage Regulatory Law” a prospective groom is expected to present the followings items: Lefe, (bride box contents, three pieces of atampa; one piece of lace material; one piece of shadda material; two sets each of undies, (pants and braziers); two pieces of underskirts; two pairs of shoes; two pieces of Hijab; two sets each of earing and necklaces; one pack of bathing soap; one perfume, pomade/cream; poder/skin cream and lipstick, (make up set).
For the bride’s parents, they include customary gift such as (Nagani Naso).
Dukiyar Aure (Wedding Gift), N6,000; mother’s gift, token =N2,000; father’s gift, token, N2,000; Wali, token,1,000; Mawankiya (Elderly lady preparing bride) N1,000 amounting to N12,000
Others are gara, (food items usually brought after wedding to bride’s family to the husband’s house, a bag of any of the cereals, ranging from rice, maize sorghum or millet.
- Dowry, which is basic minimum requirement as prescribed by Islam, (usually based on dinar).
Defending the policy, Dagacin Kanya Babba, the village head, Kamal Muhammad, in an interview with Daily Trust on Sunday noted that the decision was arrived at, following engagements with the community-based organizations, women groups, religious leaders and the representatives of the state Hisbah Board, the police, politicians as well as youth organizations.
The law, has however, undergone several review processes to tune it with modern requirements. It was initially enacted in 1987, during the old Kano state, then amended in 1994. According to the Dagaci, the son of the former NTA DG: “This final amendment, which involves all stakeholders, including the youths and women organizations as we see in the present form was carried out in 2019.
“In our community, we discovered that there was a serious breakdown of values and we sat down as a community to deliberate on it. Part of the problems we discovered was that, there were so many youths of marriageable age who were not married. We asked them the reason and they told us that they had no money to meet the marriage requirements.
“The annoying thing is that, most of those requirements were neither religious nor cultural, but a mere imposition by the society in the name of modernity. So out of desire to sanitise the situation, we told parents to discuss with their children and come back to us with recommendations.
“At their level, they met and came out with what they considered as reasonable and affordable as requirements. As a committee, we adopted the recommendations. We resolved that for the policy to be fully complied with, it must be made into law so that whenever there is breach, the person could be effectively dealt with.
“So far, I can confidently tell you that, it is being fully complied with, because before a marriage is conducted the box would be brought to the marriage venue, where the contents are publicly inspected to ensure that they meet the requirements.
“We are so strict about the law. Even when a visitor comes to marry our daughters, we insist that they do not go against the requirements. Where for instance, they brought materials in excess of what we require, we ask them to go back with the excess and if they like they could give them to their wives after the wedding fatiha,” the Gacci said.
From Clement Adeyi (Abuja), Hope Abah Emmanuel (Makurdi), Umar Muhammed (Lafia), Misbahu Bashir (Maiduguri), Mohammed Abubakar (Dutse)
