We commenced our Relationship Management series two weeks ago. Over the said period we defined the concept and brought out its importance in our lives. Specifically, we started discussing the principles and practices of building healthy relationships last week. We shall continue with that today and conclude it next week.
Keep your word: A Finnish proverb says, ‘The bitter truth is better than a sweet lie.’ Adopting to always tell the truth is one of the most successful life policies you can have. It gives you integrity and earns you the trust, respect and confidence of others.
When you promise to make delivery to your customer ‘by tomorrow’, ensure that the delivery is made either today, preferably, or latest ‘by tomorrow’ as you promised. Of keeping our words is to deliver on time the reports that our bosses asked for and we committed to; To meet with our subordinates, as promised, to help put them through the spreadsheet they haven’t mastered; To buy the sweets that we promised our child in the morning when leaving home for work, etc. If there is any compelling reason as to why you may not fulfil what you promised, ensure that you call ahead the party concerned and discuss. Explain the circumstances and what you are doing to make good your commitment at the earliest and re-negotiated time.
Be punctual: An aspect of ‘keeping your word’ that needs special mention is punctuality. Every day in our lives we schedule visits, calls, meetings, etc. We do that with our colleagues, clients, professional advisers, etc. Sadly, one of the things that makes things very difficult for all of us in Nigeria is how we have, perhaps over the last three and a half decades, gotten terrible at being punctual on both ‘mundane’ and serious appointments. The practice of being late to scheduled meetings and events that we foolishly call ‘African time’, as if it is something to be proud of, is, rather, something we should all be ashamed of and strive to, individually and collectively, eliminate in our lives. It is ruining us beyond our comprehension.
Being late in what we promised to do makes us look careless, irresponsible, may be arrogant. No one likes or trusts ‘the careless, irresponsible and arrogant’! Thankfully, being punctual is easier than we make it out to be. First, do not choke your day because you want to seem or feel ‘busy and important’. Second, be realistic in scheduling your activities.
Give credit: People like to be appreciated for their efforts and results. To strengthen your relationship with others, recognise their efforts and results by appreciating them. Commend them while on your feet, or a phone call, a visit or by writing to them. Do all that innocently from your heart and it will show in your eyes, voice and words. Contrary to what many people think, giving people credit for the good they have done doesn’t take anything away from you. Only people who are insecure are unable to give credit where it is due. On the other hand, giving credit where it is earned portrays you as an appreciative, sincere and confident leader. It earns you the trust and respect of others and you can expect more good work from them.
Don’t gossip! Of the fundamental factors on which we build healthy relationships with others is that we must mean well to them. Meaning well means we are sincere with people; We will tell them the truth as we see it; We advise them whenever it is appropriate, etc. Gossiping about others at our places of work is incongruent with meaning well to the people involved. Unfortunately, gossing about others is prevalent in work environments. So, how do you handle it whenever it comes up?
When others bring up inappropriate issues about others, always divert the discussions away from the topic to something else. If you are unable to do that, simply excuse yourself away if you can. If it is a situation you can neither change the topic nor physically extricate yourself, refuse to be involved in the discussions. With time, you will succeed in creating the reputation of never being part of such little talks and people will begin to avoid it in your presence. On the other hand, if the issues brough up about a non-present third party are indeed of major concern, encourage an appropriate person(s) there to take up the matter with the third-party in a way the third-party could be helped. If you are the appropriate person, then offer to do that! A life principle to hold is that we should never say behind someone’s back what we did not and cannot say to their face.
Respect boundaries: Of the benefits of building our emotional intelligence is that we can sense and see through what people might be going through. This is not about being sneaky but just alert to changes in human dispositions over the hours and days and weeks in our lives. We should show concern and offer whatever support we can provide whenever we pick up signals. Sometimes it is about saying the right words of encouragements. Other times it could be a visit to the hospital to check on their loved ones. Whatever we may consider appropriate to do however, must be with due regard and respect to private and/or official boundaries. Do not cross those boundaries unless you are aptly invited to do so.
We have just taken some more principles and practices of building healthy and rewarding mutual relationships. Next week, we shall conclude this series by taking on a few more.
