CORRUPTION: THINKING OUT OF THE BOX

All those who trusted and believed – and we count in the millions – that a Buhari presidency would be the final bulwark in this country’s anti-corruption fighttoday harbour a great pity – tausayi – for him on what is happening.

Though some may call it a ‘disappointment’, concerning the Magu, NDDC, Faintings, National Assembly (off the mic!) and other episodes, many of us are under unimaginable contrition for having to explain away the opposite of what we had been assuring people almost along.

This Column pities the president no end, most profusely so, because we still believe he always meant well.

But, as this Column’s edition of March 17, 2007(more than 13 years ago) titled “WHEN A LEADER IS POSSESSED” noted, it may have now finally come to everyone’s realisation the need to pray for this president so that the spells and entanglements around and about him may be broken and disentangled.

To wit, we can recall a prominent scholar not too long ago corroborating this Column’s belief, saying: “He is as if he is in a trance.” It is more than that. We are on our own. On insecurity. On corruption. On more! Inna lilLahi wa inna ilaiHi raji’un!

CSOS THE ANSWER: We must take the fight against corruption personal. Civil Society Organisations (CSOs) must be on the frontline, and keep focus.

Our problem has always been inconsistency, but we musttry to unite and writeto the Western nations through their embassies here to specifically ask them not to issue visas, or grant entry, to all category of looters, charged or uncharged.

Those countries know our thieves more than us, so we should shame them into helping us. Sadly, many of these thieves have dual (or even triple) nationalities, but we just must find a way out of the box to deny them the ‘fruits’ of their loot.

CSOs should contact anti-corruption counterparts abroad to help us in this fight. We should thank international media organisations – for example Al Jazeera – who have done documentaries on Nigerian looted monies translated into landed property in London. It’s not about 2023 – it’s about our lives!

USE OF BODYCAMS: One of the most ubiquitous and bother some aspects of Nigerian corruption is that of the security agencies. From time immemorial, murder by ‘accidental discharge’ has been the response of many a security personnel whose demand for, progressively, twenty, fifty, hundred Naira had been spurned by a driver.

The use of police bodycams in the US has made it possible, for the first time after many centuries of injustice against black people, to see what the police are up to.

We must all agitate and ensure that our security agencies working directly with the public also wear bodycams. Our worst worry against the Nigerian police has been about corruption and outright bribe taking, with which they have since infected the soldiers on our national highways.

We must insist that tampering with the bodycam (which should be remotely controlled and monitored) is the pain of dismissal. Now, many skeptics will jump up with counter-motions – we are thinking out of the box. If there is a better way, say!

WHISTLEBLOW THE JUDICIARY: One area of crass corruption that is escaping much scrutiny is the judiciary. Many things are happening in many a justice’s and a judge’s chambers and homes, and through dedicated agents.

Many corrupt judges keep their loot at home, in cash, as evidenced a la recent DSS raids. But many of them, it is now understood, stash their ill-gotten billions brazenly in the banks as they believe the hands of this government are too full with its various scandals to cast a glance askance.

Bankers, yes, bankers (as corrupt as some of them may be) should be recruited and given premium whistleblower rewards to divulge deposits and balances that seem out of the ordinary. The whistlers’ identities should forever be protected, and their fruits immediate.

Since they are not lawyers or doctors to be bound by legal and medical niceties, let the bankers help us (and not only on the judiciary, but on all those thieves brave enough to combine loot under one BVN). And where are those long-touted Special Anti-Corruption Courts and Tribunals? We are thinking out of the box here.

COLLAPSE EFCC ICPC: It’s time to agitate for the collapse the government’s anti-corruption agencies – the EFCC and ICPC. We may even consider bringing in CCB and CCT for good measure. We just need something that can work.

There is no harm in experimenting. We must unite and ask the National Assembly to do the needful by merging them. And before you say the National Assembly is also corrupt, please note this is an out-of-the-box suggestion, and you are free to proffer yours.

Finally, when the merger is done, why don’t we then agitate for Prof Itse Sagay and/or Comrade Femi Falana to head this merged conglomerate? Nothing is impossible, or crazy!

CHINA’S REIMBURSABLE BULLET: We should never give up on the Chinese solution – one looter one bullet; and the bullet reimbursable from the estate of the convicted and executed thief.

Skeptics, please don’t rush to tell us that the Chinese are also corrupt. We know. If we borrow their money, why not their laws? We are looking for a way out.

Had this Column suggested cutting off of the hand of the thief, many would shout Shari’a! So, let’s copy China.

TACKLE GRASSROOT CORRUPTION: Admittedly, at all levels in this country there is corruption. But if big corruption is tackled, in sha Allah little corruption will reduce.

(On little corruption, I have a pair of sandals touted ‘Made in Italy’. Only that I know the shoemaker; he works around the corner. I have advised him to stamp my next pair ‘Made in Nigeria’, or ‘Made in Kano, and I will still buy! And where is the Standard Organisation of Nigeria?)

YASIN, TABBAT YADA…: Returning to the person we have so much pity for, please include him in your Azkars with ‘BismilLahilLazi la yadhurruma’asmi Hishai’un fil ardhi wa la fissama’…or similar supplication. As for the thieves who have stolen us blind (Five Trillion Naira plus, according to AMCON), let us also include them in our Azkars with Yasin and Tabbat Yada…andmay Allah reform the reformables among them if they return our looted commonwealth. O Allah! Destroy corruption and the very corrupt. The very corrupt!

And may Allah forgive us too.