Coping with a break up

Coping with a break up is certainly not easy, especially when you didn’t see it coming and never even anticipated it. It hurts, no doubt. No one could have prepared you for the blow of losing the connection you had with a loved one. Whether you decided to end the relationship or it was as a result of death, you will experience symptoms of grief and despair.

The foundation of love is sharing, trust, and intimacy. Inherent in that bond is a willingness to be vulnerable. Intimate vulnerability allows your thoughts and emotions to be expressed in the context of shared experience. When circumstances no longer provide a trusting environment for a bonding love, the separation can feel devastating.

The beginning of a bad breakup is an emergency situation. You need comfort and reassurance from the break up. It’s very important not to slip into depression. You need something to get you through the times when your support network is not available. Some people have devised a way of healing in times of despair by listening to their favourite songs, watching a movie, reading the Holy books or even visiting a relaxation spot where they can spend some lone them with themselves.

“A breakup or divorce launches one into uncharted territory. Everything is disrupted: your routine and responsibilities, your home, your relationships with extended family and friends, and even your identity” says Kunle Adigun, a civil servant, and once a divorcee.  A breakup brings uncertainty about the future. What will life be like without your partner? Will you find someone else? Will you end up alone? These unknowns often seem worse than an unhappy relationship.

Many people deal with break ups in a variety of ways. Some believe it’s best to get right back on the saddle, while others disagree and wait a short (or long) period before getting back into the game.  The main considerations are your comfort level, how serious the relationship was and how bad was the break up.

Coping with the initial days of a break up are the hardest of all. However, the road to recovery is short and beneficial to us if we are patient enough. Without a broken heart, we may never know what we really want or really need. Surviving is the key, but after the survival of this trying period we will find peace and who knows might even find someone better.

After a week you may start to feel better about your previous break up. This does not mean you should jump into another relationship right away, especially a serious one. Take your time. You have all the time in the world to feel better, and just because you meet a nice guy/girl doesn’t mean you should go ahead with the relationship. Your emotions may still be unstable and the first person you meet may get undeserved love.

Recovering from a breakup or divorce is difficult. However, it’s important to know and to keep reminding yourself that you can and will move on. But healing takes time, so be patient with yourself.

A divorce is a highly stressful, life-changing event. When you’re going through the emotional period and dealing with major life changes, it’s more important than ever to take care of yourself. The strain and upset of a major breakup leaves you psychologically and physically vulnerable. Treat yourself like you’re getting over the flu. Get plenty of rest, minimize other sources of stress in your life, and reduce your workload if possible.

Learning to take care of yourself can be one of the most valuable lessons you learn following a divorce or breakup. As you feel the emotions of your loss and begin learning from your experience, you can resolve to take better care of yourself and make positive choices going forward.

In times of emotional crisis, there is an opportunity to grow and learn. Just because you are feeling emptiness in your life right now, doesn’t mean that nothing is happening or that things will never change. Consider this period a time-out, a time for sowing the seeds for new growth or a time to detoxify your heart. You can emerge from this experience knowing yourself better and feeling stronger. Learning from your mistakes in the past relationship is the key to not repeating them in a new one, if you decide to get into the dating game again.