Coming out clean with the past

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where your friend turns to be one of your enemies? Friends who you have told almost everything in life turning around to use details you have shared with her/him to taunt, intimidate and blackmail you? Weird, right! Don’t be surprised as such do happen and there are lots of stories out there to confirm such instances. Below is someone’s experience. 

“It’s about a month to my wedding and to my greatest surprise a friend of mine who is supposed to be my bridesmaid has turned out to be a snitch. She has been my friend right from secondary school. I just found out that she has been trying to discourage my husband-to-be from marrying me. She has told him all the secrets that I had put behind me to start a new life. Although my husband-to-be hasn’t said anything to me or cancelled the wedding but I am worried and very scared about what he now thinks of me or what he has decided to do. What do I do?” 

Halima Muhammed, 40-year-old accountant, says, “I think this is the problem most young marriages of today have. I always advice that the first thing intending couples should do is to be open to each other by talking about their past. That way, your partner feels you trust him/her and ready to move on with life. By doing that, anyone who thinks she can backstab you will become a fool because your intended partner will only smile and say ‘I know about all that’.”

Hassana Ahmed, 39-year-old entrepreneur, says, “Friends of these days are not true friend as most of them are always envious and eager to bring you down at any available opportunity. I always advise people to keep their secrets between them and their creator because as humans once anyone knows it’s always going to be from one crisis to the other.”

Dele Azeez, 40-year -old computer engineer, says, “As a man, I know how sensible we can be when it comes discovering that our wives had a past which she never told us about. It can lead to lack of trust in the marriage and insecurity on the part of the husband. I think and advice every woman or even man to always come out clean to their intending partners especially if you have friends who know of such past or that the past if not disclosed to your partner can lead to misunderstanding of great severity. Coming out clean with your partner can unburden your mind and give you peace. Also, for her friend I suggest she cuts off from her. I’m a man and know the extent some friends can go to tarnish their friends’ image before their marriages. I am speaking from experience. She was never a friend.”

Ugonma Okafor, 40-year-old teacher, says, “She needs to remain calm for now. It’s easier said than done, but she needs to gather all the strength she has to remain calm. Whatever she does now would be used to judge her by the husband. I know her first reaction would be to confront her friend, but that will be very unwise. She should look for an appropriate time to tell her husband about her past since the wedding is still four weeks away. Before then she should seek God’s favour and guidance in the matter. Meanwhile, she should be wise when relating with her supposed friend and gradually cut off from her.”

“It’s difficult when you trust friends who you think have your back but who turn out to be the enemies in disguise,” says Mojisola Olalekan, 46-year-old lecturer. However, she asks “Must we always share a secret with people? Gone are the days when we had trustworthy friends.  There is no friend greater than your parents or your siblings; even though some siblings are becoming enemies these days. If we have the fear of God, I don’t think we would be keeping any secrets instead we will all be living an open and clean life, but then we are still humans.”