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Caught in a love triangle of sorts

I need you to help provide solution to my problem. I am still in love with my ex-girlfriend. We broke up around 2001. I then…

I need you to help provide solution to my problem. I am still in love with my ex-girlfriend. We broke up around 2001. I then went into my current  relationship and was about to propose when I luckily met my old flame and naturally re-established contact with her in 2006. I consequently put my intended proposal to my current girlfriend on hold to see if my ex will have me back, but she is still undecided after all this while. I reasoned that this is her way of making me prove the depth of my love for her but she seems to be taking forever to respond. I strongly believe that she is the right person for me and I love her dearly even though she probably doesn’t realise this fact. She is not in any relationship at the moment. Meanwhile, I’m afraid of breaking my present girlfriend’s heart as she is confident that I love her and expects our relationship to lead to marriage. My greatest fear is getting married to the wrong person. What do I do?


Dear Ibro,

Your situation is a dicey one because, in your attempt to reclaim what you had, you may lose what is in your hands at the moment only to discover that what you thought you had is no more! Moreover, there is an innocent third party in this issue whose heart will definitely be broken for no fault of hers. It would have been helpful if you had disclosed  the cause of your break-up. If you were in a relationship with someone all your growing up years and now want her back, I don’t think it would be necessary to put you through a long test. It is not as if she is just knowing you. Eight years is a long time in anybody’s life, long enough for drastic personality and behavioral changes to have taken place. She may not be in another relationship at the moment, but her feelings for you may have changed. It is also a possibility that she is aware of your current relationship and  that may make it difficult for her to take a decision. I advise you to make your intention to settle with her explicit and demand for a response by a certain date. If she is still undecided, then you hold on to what you have in your hand.  Have you ever heard about the adage, ‘a bird in hand is worth more than a million in the bush’?

Wondering if

she loves me

Dear Nana,

I need you to come to my rescue urgently. I am in a love relationship with a girl, I love her so much to the extent that I have sleepless nights just thinking about her. The problem, however, is that  I come from a culture that considers marriage to an outsider a taboo.  Although she told me from the beginning that she was already involved in a relationship that may lead to marriage, but she also expressed some doubts about the  relationship because she is of the view that men can disappoint at any time even on the eve of marriage.

I tried to end the relationship when she told me about her relationship with the other man but failed. Although we are still together and I spend a lot of money on her, she does not allow me to  touch her whenever she visits me. I am beginning to think that I am wasting my money and time on her especially as I think I may not be able to marry her except with God’s intervention. I need your kind advice on how to handle the situation as my health and my work is already being affected by this problem. You may send your response to my email address too. Thank you.


Dear Abubakar,

Your culture prohibits this relationship and you seem to agree with it. Your girl is in another serious relationship and you are aware except that you think she has doubts about it. Nothing is adding up here and nothing will unless you are ready to disregard your culture  and your girl is ready and willing to do away with her other relationship.

You seem to think that the money you spend on her should be in return for something. It should not be so, it is okay if you willingly spend on her for love but I can hardly see your supposed love for her when you consider what you spend on her as a waste. As a matter of fact, I salute her for her reservation and I hope she does same with the other man too! My simple advice is that you should consider  packing up the relationship and look for someone acceptable to your culture.

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