Marriage, some say, is a beautiful thing. But, how will it look like when a spouse chooses to live in another state? Will it still remain a beautiful thing? LifeXtra takes a view of people and reports.
When you fantasize about getting married, living separately will most likely be erased from your thought. When the reality of marriage dawns, what decision will spouses make in marriage?
Mr. Mark Ogba, a consultant, said he will let his spouse work in another state; it is a matter of understanding. “No matter how spouses think they love themselves, money will reduce arguments. If you live in the same state with your wife, it is good but the same wife that knows you do not have salary will tell you, ‘we don’t have soup, we don’t have kerosene, the children needs school fees’. You cannot blame her, because these are essentials, and as men, no matter how little, we should not have excuses for not proving essentials for our families,” he added.
“If you are saying your presence or absence will make your child a better person, you are absolutely wrong. You can even be in the same house with a child and not know everything the child or wife is doing. My stand remains spouses should learn how to pray for themselves and their children, even if they are not together. The world is now becoming a global village, and that applies to raising children. Children are not spanked much as before, you don’t even shout at children, you just talk to them, advice them, pray for them and you see them flourish.”
You can be in the same house with your spouse and lack communication to the point you cannot tell where your spouse is at a point in time; on the other hand, spouses can live in different state and have a strengthened communication. I dated my Maiduguri-based wife for six years while I was in Kano. We knew the step each of us took at every point in time despite the distance.
Mr. Adebiyi Paul, an automobile engineer, said he cannot let his wife live in another state for any reason because of his believe. “Before I got married, my wife was working in Lokoja while I was in Abuja. I never had a good job at that time while she was receiving a good salary. I told my wife that she has to leave her work and relocate to Abuja so we can start a family, she accepted and relocated. However, things naturally became very hard, but after the hard times, she got a better offer in Abuja. Today, we are giving our children the kind of training we want even if we cannot provide everything for them.”
Kosi Haliri, hair stylist, said the worst experience in her life happened when she lived apart from her spouse. “I had the shock of my life,” she said. “One faithful day, I decided to pay my husband a surprised visit, to my dismay, I almost fainted after what my eyes saw. I knocked and knocked, but the door was locked, I called severally but he was not picking up. At a point, I began to get worried, but I believed nothing wrong had happen to him. I sat beside the door and got busy with my phone to get distracted, though my heart still pondered about the safety of my husband. Exactly one hour, fourteen minutes later, the door opened. And behold, it was my husband and another woman; I had goosebumps all over and could not utter a word. My heart bled, but I was too weak to talk because only heaven knows how I pride in my husband’s fidelity; scales fell of my eyes. My husband was shocked to see me, my surprise visit became sorrow filled.
“At first, I thought I would never forgive him, but after a while, just to save my children and marriage, I accepted his apologies and relocated with my children to where my spouse is; now, we live together in peace. My simple take remains if you cannot keep yourself, don’t let your spouse work in another state; but if you can, then why not?
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