Can anyone ever be prepared for widowhood?

‘How prepared is your wife’ she asked. Reading through her article, one could read between the lines that it was truly the sorrow of a widow. Funke lost her husband last month and found courage to write this article. Being a widow now herself she posed the question to men (Husbands), how prepared is your wife for widowhood? During the week, I also visited a family who had lost its breadwinner some weeks back. Seeing the youngest child he left behind brought tears which I had to fight back strongly so as not to reawaken the pain the family had been experiencing these few weeks.

What kept propping up in my mind all through my way to the office that day was, where is the young mother going to start from being that she has been a full time house wife ever since their marriage. Knowing her, she has not prepared for this rude shock which death had thrown her into.

Today womanhood asks how prepared are you as a woman and wife in case your husband passes away before you? Death is not something we pray for, yet we definitely anticipate it sooner or later. So, it is something we have to come to terms and cope with eventually.

There are many women out there who depend so much on their husband’s wealth and capabilities and forget that there may be different twists in life from what we foresee for ourselves.  Many are so pompous and boastful of their husband’s wealth and even take it to a state of extravagancy.

Some of us have not been denied the opportunity to work or get involved with business but are just the typical housewives; solely dependent by choice. But then have we ever stopped to ask, ‘What if this man isn’t there anymore, can I keep up with this kind of life or standard of living?’

‘No, it will never happen!’ is the first fiery denial remark we try to assure ourselves with. But if most of us were truly sincere to ourselves, we know that should widowhood eventually come, our world will surely crumble as very few women would be able to keep up with the life of fantasy they have built around them.

What stops women from building their own financial strength even when they have sensible husbands that provide everything in the house for them; from salt to even underwear? I say sensible husbands because there are some out there who care less about the upkeep of the home, wife or kids. On the good side though, at least, such a wife is used to shouldering some of the responsibilities therefore, she would not be starting to learn how to only after widowhood comes calling.

Many women whose husbands lavish them with money would rather go on shopping spree wearing the latest trend of clothing rather than investing for a rainy day. Some even make callous remarks over their husband’s wealth like; ‘If I no chop his money who go chop am?’

One takes pity for this category of women because when he is gone then they will know who spends his money when his inheritance is shared out among all his heirs. The plight of widows in the society should be enough reason for any woman to start thinking what to do with her life even as her husband is still alive instead of waiting for the worse.

Women are the least able to prepare for death. Even though no matter how willing a woman is towards gathering some financial muscles, it cannot work if the husband does not give the right support and encouragement, yet, the will to remain independent starts with the wife.

Therefore the men should ask themselves how they have prepared their spouses for widowhood should that happen. Funke in that article urges and I quote “take a deep breath and imagine for ten minutes what would happen to your wife and children if suddenly you breathe your last this moment. Will your wife need to withdraw your children from school? If you are not living in your own house, will she be able to pay the house rent or have to move from a three bedroom apartment to a one bedroom or from your room and palour back to the village? Will she be thrown out of your house if you have built one, by those more powerful than her? Just imagine your kids at best being farmed out to their uncles and aunties or losing one or two years in school while your full-time wife finds her feet…….”

How many men have tried to get something doing for their wives or even established a business venture for her? Very few indeed do so; some because they do not want their wives to earn more than they do. If as a husband you insist that your wife should not work then you should try and take a bold step in insuring the stability of her life and those of your kids in the case of an eventuality. Investments in her name or the kids could go a long way when you are no more with them. Investing in the future of your family would go a long way rather than marrying women and assembling different cars and wasting the money on unnecessary vanity.

While we make merry and live life at its fullest when our husbands are still with us, we should also strive to make a meaningful life for ourselves with or without him. This is not to say we should fight for equal rights and opportunity with the man of the house or become uncontrollable.

It is nice to have a man who provides but think for a minute how you will cope if he suddenly drops out of sight this minute, says Funke Egbemode. This I would say is a thought for the wise. Be smart wives who wouldn’t want to be beggars when the unexpected happens. This is especially so because as we all know friends and well wishers will always be with you now when the journey is smooth but when the going gets tough just a few kind beings will be there for you. So I ask again, how prepared are you?