Burden of infertility: Agony of the Nigerian woman

Although infertility is a global issue affecting both gender, women are mostly at the receiving end of the stigmatisation. Daily Trust on Sunday spoke to a few women who shared their experiences while dealing with the stigma of infertility.

Before we began the interview, Ms Offiong introduced me to her son. His name is Michael and he is one of the brightest kids I’ve come across. She said: “He’s my everything; I’ll treasure and love him till my dying day. He is my miracle, my proof that God answers prayer.”

Ms Offiong, a 43-year-old single mother, is one out of many women who have had to bear the pain and stigmatisation of infertility among women in Nigeria. She said her marriage was dissolved due to her infertility. 

“I had been married for six years and still wasn’t able to get pregnant within the period we were together. Things were calm the first two years as I had discussed with my then husband that I wasn’t rushing into childbirth soon after we got married.

“By the fourth year, his family had begun to complain about us not having children yet. It became bad when one of my husband’s younger sisters gave birth just a year after her marriage.

“Things grew from bad to worse when my mother-in-law began to verbally and emotionally abuse me. My husband was told not to bring me for family events as questions surrounding my infertility would be brought up and discussed,” she added.

Offiong explained that at the time, she and her husband were not financially buoyant to explore options such as the IVF method, and her husband was also not open to the adoption of a child as he had told her he wanted a child of his own.

One of her most painful memories was when her mother-in-law referred to her as a barren woman as she attended to guests who had visited her husband. “I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. I’d never felt so ashamed in my entire life. My husbands’ guests were in shock as silence filled the room and tears began to roll down my cheeks.”

She said her marriage came to a halt after her mother in-law demanded her husband took another wife to cover the shame she had brought to the family. She described it as a very hurtful moment, especially knowing that she was the reason for their infidelity.

“After series of tests, it was concluded that I was responsible for our childlessness. The doctor said the possibility of me conceiving was low, nonetheless he advised that my husband and I keep trying,” she said.

She mentioned that it was her decision to opt out of the marriage. “Although my husband was supportive and hopeful that I may conceive, the pressure from his family was becoming too much and I could see the worry on his face. If I couldn’t give him the one thing he wanted, then how would we stay happily married?”

After her marriage ended, she began an intimate relationship in which her son Michael was conceived.  She said she’s now able to walk with pride and confidence because the issue of her infertility had caused her to sink into depression.

Another lady, Blessing Ogah, told Daily Trust on Sunday that she wouldn’t wish infertility even on her worst enemy. She describes it as an experience no woman should ever go through.

Blessing’s story, although similar with that of Ms Offiong is more hurtful because she didn’t have any kind of support when managing her infertility. “My husband never defended me from his family, my own family too was becoming worried that I was under some form of spiritual attack.”

She said that her husband’s siblings often referred to her as the man of the house due to her inability to conceive after four years of marriage. She recalls being tormented on a regular basis by his siblings. “My husband’s sister called me a witch and told me to confess what I had done with my womb.”

“My mother-in-law insinuated that I had several abortions in the past and had destroyed my womb which was the cause of my infertility,” she added.

She said her husband and mother-in-law didn’t approve of the IVF method or surrogacy. “I remember her saying to me that I will never be seen as a real woman if I didn’t push out children for my husband.”

Another lady, Nana Isah, said her family neglected her completely until she was able to give birth. Even after giving birth, a lot of people insinuated that her husband was not the child’s father because she had moved away to give birth and many weren’t aware of her pregnancy.

“I was neglected by husband’s family and my family during my season of barrenness. I had tried all possible means to get pregnant and it wasn’t working. I told them that it was Allah who gives children but they were not ready to hear that,” she said.

Nana explains that although infertility can either be from the man or woman, the woman is bound to carry the shame. She said that “I remember going for counselling when I started over worrying about not being able to get pregnant. I met many women who had to suffer unjustly because it was their husbands who were infertile and not them. Even at that, they still suffered in the hands of their in-laws on the issue of their childlessness.”

Eighty-five-year-old Mrs Akon Anang said “Being able to get pregnant is a big deal for the African woman because right from when we were young, we were made to see it as a woman’s primary duty to create children and make the home.”

“If you were not able to get pregnant in those days, it was seen as an abomination and the woman in question won’t be considered a full woman,” she added.

According to the World Health Organisation, infertility is a disease of both male and female reproductive organs which is defined by failure to achieve pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sexual intercourse.

WHO statistics shows that infertility is an issue that affects millions of people of reproductive age globally. It tells that the issue of infertility has a very big impact on affected families and the communities at large.

Statistics also estimates that between 48 million couples and 186 million individuals live with infertility worldwide.

A fertility specialist, Dr Nathaniel Adewole, who spoke to Daily Trust on Sunday revealed that; “Unlike before when people were not so comfortable with other fertility options, women are now open to trying other fertility options. We now have public and private hospitals which offer the IVF treatment and they have also turned out to be very successful. I’m also glad that the perception of infertility in Nigeria is changing as people are now beginning to understand that the fault doesn’t only come from the woman but the man too.”

However, he said that a challenge that presents itself with the IVF fertility method is the fact that they do not come cheap and the chances of conception is still not one hundred per cent. “Public hospitals which offer the services may charge from N700,000 while the bill from a private hospital can run into N1.5 million at least.”

Adewole stated that infertility is a very traumatic experience for the woman. He explained that “Most of these women are under pressure coming from the society, their family members and even themselves. Even those who don’t have family members pressurizing them, somehow still put themselves under pressure because they don’t feel complete without children. They end up becoming depressed and being shadows of themselves.”

However, he advised that couples who are facing infertility shouldn’t bow to societal pressures as new fertility options are springing up daily. He says: “Couples can decide to try other methods such as the IVF, surrogacy and indirect surrogacy which is the adoption of a child from the orphanage.”

He also advised that before getting married, couples should undergo fertility tests to ascertain their chances of getting pregnant and what will be done in the likelihood that one of them is infertile.