Build and dote on that mother-daughter bond!

After many years of growing up to become a woman and subsequently into a mother, things change.  Women often argue with their mothers, because the latter interfere with their love lives or marriages.  Mother wants to teach her daughter how to raise her kids; she always seems to know better and is her daughter’s toughest critic. Whatever daughters do, it is either not good enough or too good to be true.  Whatever happens, somehow they manage not to strike the right chord.  Sometime, the younger woman even begins to doubt her mother’s love, whether there is sincerity in it or not.

Many women have told me how they suffered from the influence of their strong mothers all their lives.  They struggled with the problem of not being good enough no matter what they did.  This was a burden they carried around all their lives, and only a few managed to escape from that spell. Every mother-daughter relationship is founded on particular values such as unconditional love, honesty, compassion and mutual respect.

But the mother-daughter relationship could be compared as a roller-coaster one. There are times in the relationship where it leaves the mother feeling anxious, fearful or even nauseated, especially when in the middle of an argument. But in the midst of all these, there is one thing that is certain: the ride between the two is one that will never come to a halt. No matter how scary or intolerable it may get, this ride is forever.

When it comes to finding a common ground, the teen years can be especially hard for mothers and daughters. How to stay connected and foster a positive relationship while giving space and room to grow seems impossible. It becomes inevitable at some point that certain unwarranted occurrences would take place. There will always be challenges that will test the strength of the relationship. Giving up on your daughter, as some mothers tend to do, will be doing more harm than good. If a mother can’t stand by her daughter, who will?

Mother-daughter relationships are not different from others. Communication is very vital because of the exchange of emotions and words that give the feeling of closeness that strengthens the bond. Mother-daughter communication is an exchange of expectations that reinforces roles in one another’s life.

Whether your daughter is an infant or turns 40 tomorrow, whether you both talk frequently or sparsely, it is up to the mother to create an environment conducive to openness and true sharing. At this point, it does not matter if both of you exchange harsh words or exchange blows, all that matters is that you begin the process of working towards a healthier and more loving, dynamic relationship.

Salma Mohammed, a teenage student in an Abuja-based school, said: “Being a daughter and not yet a mother, I would have to say that it is extremely important to talk to your daughter. As we grow up and experience many different situations that sometimes we do not want our mothers to know, we would like them to be there for us, although we do not tell them everything. Knowing that we can talk to our mothers at any time, and knowing that they are interested in us, makes them more than best friends. So, when we go through situations we think of what we really care about. So, I always think twice before I do anything. I always ask myself if my mother would really want me to do this.”

“Communicating with your daughter engenders a closer relationship. I think that it is the key ingredient if you really love your daughter ,” she added. Without communication there would be no robust mother-daughter relationship, it will only be written on paper and not a true relationship. It is up to mothers, because they are not only the designated driver of the family and its responsibilities, but essentially responsible for the daughter’s existence in the first place.

Relationships with daughter must be an exclusive focus for all mothers if they want them to turn out to be responsible individuals. So, it is the mother’s duty and responsibility to fully embrace the next challenge and figure out a better way to communicate with daughters. As for daughters, they should realize mothers are who they are.  As a daughter, don’t even try to change her, because this will only lead to disappointment.  It is your own attitude that can change, and that everything work.