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Britain – Between the rotted lettuce and stale beer

Nothing is certain in Britain. You know this when you meet the first friendly Briton. They start a conversation by talking about the unpredictable weather.…

Nothing is certain in Britain. You know this when you meet the first friendly Briton. They start a conversation by talking about the unpredictable weather. The British are obsessed with the weather and in return, the weather loves to mess up with their minds by changing with rapidity. That is changing more with global warming. Today, the British have more than the weather to talk about. Liz Truss, their prime minister, has just resigned.

Depending on whom you ask, Ms Truss served her country for 47 days, one day for each year of her life. She was sworn in with gusto and expectation as Britain’s 56th prime minister. She was the 15th and last prime minister to serve the late Queen Elizabeth II and the first female prime minister to serve a Queen and a King in quick succession within a week. She becomes the shortest prime minister to run Britain in modern history. 

You see, the British ought to be talked more about their own politics; the mercurial fluidity of their political leadership is of interest to people across the world. After all, Britain was the last empire before the virus of democracy infected the whole world. It used to rule a quarter of the entire globe in its glory days and used to boast that the sun would never set on its empire.  

When it comes to inclusiveness, the British are better than their Taliban counterparts giving equal opportunities to both men and women. Truss would be the third of those female leaders. Ironically, all the three British prime ministers served Queen Elizabeth II. They include Margaret Thatcher, nicknamed the Iron Lady who served from 1979 to 1990; Theresa May who served from 2016 till 2019 and Truss.  

All things being equal, the Taliban, not known to favour women in office either political or otherwise, now have a King at the head of the British establishment even though King Charles is just a ceremonial leader.  

Under constitutional monarchy, the real mover and shaker of the British establishment remains its prime minister. While the monarchy is stable with a well-established succession line, Britain appears to be groping in the dark on who qualifies to head the political establishment. It would appear that when it comes to who stays longer, the British woman, after Thatcher is yet to learn how to hold tight to power. Britain has not been kind to its female political leaders. Deep down, it feels blighted by female political leadership. 

Margaret Thatcher was dubbed the iron lady because in truth, the woman had a nerve of steel. While her supporters still revere her, the established British opposition still wishes that her era and its achievements never happened. Except for how difficult it is to obliterate or distort history, they would have loved to do to her what Nyesom Wike has done to Timipre Silva.  

It would appear that the British voter has no apathy towards the female politician. They seem to earn as much trust as their male counterparts. By the last count, there were 225 female members of the British House of Commons. In Nigeria, there are only 15 female legislators. As equity demands, when the British elect or select a female prime minister, she is obliged to work with the best and it so happens that some of the best are – male. Ironically, the males in a female-led British prime ministership are like Judas to Jesus. 

When Madam Theresa May made Boris Johnson a member of her cabinet, she probably thought she was surrounding herself with a loyal friend. The maverick Johnson has a history of charming his way into relevance in a way that David Cameron could have tagged chameleonic. Johnson never hid his ultimate ambition – which was to occupy the highest office in the land. So when Ms May was at her most vulnerable moment, Johnson jumped at the opportunity and provided the coup.    

It paid him well. The meter of his notoriety rose to a high pitch that his colleagues chose him as May’s replacement. With time, the reveller would prove, that even with high office, the leopard never changes its spots. While he imposed the rest of the country in a lockdown, he and his close friends turned 10 Downing Street into a pub. They believed that secrets would remain secret and even when the evidence surfaced; Johnson continued to lie about it.  

The unfolding drama led to his resignation and the emergence of Truss as party leader and prime minister. With royal endorsement, Johnson introduced his successor to the Queen. The two women shook hands and Britain had its third female prime minister. Barely a week in office, the Queen would exit the stage leaving Truss as state mourner. She would later report to King Charles III, but unfortunately would not perform his coronation ceremony due to what in Nigeria would have been dubbed banana peels. 

With a preventable war in Ukraine spurred by the obstinacy of the West to be the only power controlling governance narrative across the globe, the after-effects of the COVID-19 and its attendant economic impact, the British economy upturned. Madam Truss watched her best efforts to rally a sliding pound sterling amount to nothing as the British currency slid to its lowest ever against the greenback. Even as a member of the European Union, Britain had refused to relinquish its powerful currency, now it would watch it exchange at its lowest even as an energy crisis was promising to turn Great Britain into an island of public discontent. 

Madam Truss sacked her chosen finance minister in a bid to restore confidence, but her economic package had lost the trust of her party and the people. More members of the Conservative Party began to leave one after the other, some at her request. The tsunami was too much for her and eventually drowned her.

Truss’s unpredictable exit has again exposed the unpredictability of British politics, just like its weather.  

As far as jokes go, Madam Truss did not last the lifetime of a lettuce after the Economist dubbed her the iceberg lady. A British tabloid opened an uncanny competition between their PM and the head of a cabbage and the latter won! Nobody should be surprised if the Daily Star’s lettuce ends up at the Tate Gallery or the British Museum of Groceries. 

The British irony has not ended there, as it seeks to authenticate the truth of another saying that says a dog goes back to its vomit! By last weekend, Johnson, who was sunbathing in the Caribbean, rushed back home as news favoured his return. There is something about British politics towards the approach of winter that speaks to the lettuce and stale beer. 

For the citizens of a ‘fantastically corrupt’ nation, we are able to ignore the unfolding political catastrophe staring us in the face to laugh at Britain’s joke. With the exception that British PM resignations come from a place of honour, a virtue that Nigeria’s incompetent, failed and clueless leaders lack, there is good reason for any Nigerian to laugh at Britain, and for Britain to return the favour. 

 

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