Brides or mothers, who’s more excited?

She continued thus, “I have worn aso-ebi for other people’s own, I have helped them cook and organise the weddings of their daughters, na my own go come spoil? No way! People must gather for me as I gathered for them. Do the wedding first and we can sort out the problem later on.” As far as she was concerned, she had announced to the ‘whole’ of Lagos that her daughter was getting married and it would be her loss if the wedding didn’t take place. It didn’t matter if it were a life-threatening issue that prompted her daughter’s decision. In her opinion it could be sorted out after all the fanfare and photos and making other people happy.

It seems more an issue and concern for mothers when their daughters are about to get married or not heading in the direction of marriage. They are pressing for that one glorious opportunity to shine and prove themselves and their worth. One wonders why more mums seem to dwell more on their daughters than on their sons getting hooked up in marriage.

“The joy is beyond description”, says Hajia Amina Suleiman. “The contentment that I felt in my heart when my daughter got married is like none that I have felt before. The second I felt that excited was when she gave birth to her first child. It was for me what I would describe as mission accomplished. None of my co-wives will open their mouths and describe me as failure or incomplete woman.” When asked if her daughter’s marriage was about what her co-wives or other people would think if she were single she said, “I can say that for majority of mothers that is what it is about. It is after they have jubilated over this triumph that they now settle down to count the other blessings associated with their daughter being married. For some who are careless with words, you’ll actually hear them make remarks like, ‘yes, I now belong to the club;’ or ‘yes, nobody can make a fool of me;’ and other such comments.”

Mrs. Henrietta Aigboje confessed that it is a huge, huge relief for her to see that her daughters are married off. “I must confess that it is an enormous relief for me when I see my daughters getting married. Who wants to keep a forty-year-old daughter at home or still have her single? Their wedding days are as much their day as it is ours. Some of us actually steal the show away from them.”

For brides like Yetunde Ishe, she understood that for some not-so-crucial issues and aspects of the wedding she had to give in to her mother’s yearnings. “From when we started the planning, my mother made it clear that we would give her and her friends a special time to dance during thanksgiving as well as at the reception. Even when my father objected that it would waste too much time and I agreed with him, she stood her grounds saying, “I do not plan on celebrating your marriage ceremony more than once. How else will I display and express my joy; on the high-table? No, please o, allow me display the dance that I did not dance at my own wedding and the dance I have danced with other women at the weddings of their children. It is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I plan to make the most of it. We didn’t have choice but to let her have her way because once it was time for thanksgiving even before it was announced, I sighted her at the end of the church where she and her friends were already lined up waiting to dance to the altar. At the reception venue, they had their own sitting area from where they danced to their hearts’ content.”

Yetunde’s father, Mr. Alfred Josiah, said, “It was the first time I ever saw my wife in such high spirit. She is a bulky person naturally, but her countenance on Yetunde’s wedding day was the bomb. I never imagined she knew some of the songs by Tuface, Wande Coal, 9ice, Akon and the rest of them and even how to dance to them. The most thrilling part for me what to see her dance to Olu Maintain’s ‘Yahozee’ and D’banj’s ‘Olorun maje’. I was looking at her like I had never met her before. It was on that day after we got home that I asked her about the musicians and she taught me about them and their dance steps;’ apparently she had been taking lessons from our teenage sons. Since then I too have begun listening to them.”

It is interesting to see efforts mothers put into the weddings of their daughters and how many of them urge their girls to get married so that they can have their own opportunity to ‘shine’ and wear the prestigious crown of ‘Mother of the day’. As many of them said, it is the one chance to feel like brides again.