Beware of negative advice

Have you had situations in a relationship or marriage where you try to discuss with friends or relatives and the answer they give is that you (lady) leave the relationship/marriage? This kind of advice is what people easily give without putting themselves in the shoes of the person who is sharing her problem. All she (complainant) may really need is just a listening ear to relieve the burden in her heart.

Aisha (Not real name) explains, “I regret ever narrating my ordeal to my friends. They convinced me that I could do better without my husband. He had his own issues but looking back I think they were issues I could have handled or ignored and lived peacefully with him for the sake of my children. Today my children are suffering all because of me and I am not in any better position to assist them. I’ve realized that some advices are best just heard and not implemented.”

Amina A. Shuaibu, 39-year-old consultant, says “I will relate a friend’s experience. She was told she was pretty and deserved a good man and that she could get any kind of man she wanted. She was told to leave her husband because she was worth more than him. She was told that a woman of her standard deserved a better man with a better income and personality.  She obliged, heeded to their advice and left her marriage of ten years. It’s been eight years now and no man of her standard has come to take her as a wife. Interestingly, those who asked her to leave her husband are facing worse situations and still with their husbands. Some are even the ones providing for their husbands and their homes.” 

Iman Yunus, 40-year-old doctor, advices, “I would advice we are careful from who and where we take our relationship advice from. I say this because most of these people advicing you might just be enemies in form of friends. Most of them may be jealous and praying to get a quarter of what you might be enjoying in your matrimonial home and will do anything to destroy it. On the other hand, I don’t blame these people who give the advice and see the complainant as a gullible person. I have always been against people discussing their matrimonial issues with friends or even family.”