Avoiding stigmatisation at your expense

Here, a troubled lady explains her situation and seeks help: “I’ve been married for 13 years without a child yet. I’ve tried several methods of conception, including IVF, all to no avail. The only available option is adoption, but many friends have warned us against the stigmatisation that comes with adopting a child. I am at a crossroads here.”
Forty-three-year-old pharmacist, Rakiya Haruna believes adoption can be the beginning of good things for the couple. “Adoption can open doors to all the couple’s desires. They should forget about what people will say and do what will bring them joy and lots of laughter. Adoption isn’t a bad idea. It’s only in Africa that we see things differently,” she advises.
Eunice Okoli, a 38-year-old lawyer, recalls that her cousin had to go for adoption after 10 years of marriage and is happy today. “People who want to adopt should understand that people will always talk, but should this be the reason for your being unhappy? No, it shouldn’t. Please, the couple should go ahead and make themselves happy as even without a child, people will still talk. Also, take note that as long as you are alive, people will always talk about you, no matter what. The earlier everyone learns that, the better,” she remarks.
For Ronke Bamidele, a 34-year-old banker, surrogacy is the best way out. “Someone can help her carry the baby for nine months”, she notes, but advised against using a close relative who could later lay claims to the child. “When the child is doing well, she remembers there’s a biological tie with the child and starts claiming unnecessary rights. Someone you don’t know is better. You save yourself the drama that comes with it, if a relative is involved,” Ronke advised.
Amina Jaafar, a 40-year-old civil servant, says the earlier people stop thinking about what others will say about them, the better for everybody. “We need to make ourselves happy regardless of people’s opinion. People will always talk no matter what. Believe me, they’re already asking why you’ve not opted for adoption yet and when you do, the same people will criticise your decision. Now, adoption is the best thing you can do for yourself to experience the joy of motherhood. Remember, it takes more than birthing a child to be a real parent. You can remain unhappy because of what people will say,” Amina says. “Another advice, if you are living in a rented apartment you may need to change location; this isn’t about what people may say but for the sake of the baby, so that people don’t torment the child emotionally as an adopted child. It’s no big deal adopting a child. Rather, it’s going to be a big deal if you don’t raise the child properly,” she adds.