As African women, we need to show respect and play our roles as wives – Mrs. Adeniji

How did you meet your spouse and what attracted you to him?
I met my spouse in church. His simplicity and kind hearted heart attracted me to him. Our marriage is an ordained one. I feel even if we did not meet in church, both our destinies were destined to cross paths.
 During courtship what challenges did you face from either parent?
Not really, it was just my dad being skeptical about the whole thing, but with time he was okay with the whole thing.  It was a good start with my mum, my dad had so many reservations
What are the secrets to a good, long lasting relationship?
Every relationship has its uniqueness, but every couple must understand that communication and patience are the keys to a healthy and long lasting relationship. In everything we do in life we need to imbibe the culture of patience to be able succeed. As a married woman it is not everything that we see or hear that we fight or ague over. There are times we save our argument for the rainy day, where things will be amicably settled. He who has patience will always excel in life no matter what. It is not me saying it but it is something that God has said in his holy books. Patience is key to the peace of mind we so desire in a marital relationship.
 Do you apply principles from your work in your day to day activities, especially in your marriage?
I can’t say yes or no, some things have become habits, so I will say some deliberately and others not, but after everything life goes on.
After years of marriage, what is that unique thing about your spouse that amuses you till date?
His intelligence and the fear of God in him have made him very dear to me even after years of marriage. He has always remained true to himself and God. Unlike some people who tend to change after marriage because their mission was only to get you to agree to be their wives.
Marriages come with a lot of challenges, what is it that has kept you going despite all the challenges?
His personality and the happy moments in the past have kept me going. And a look at other people’s situation has also made me realize that I am one of the luckiest women in the world to be married to one of the most humble men in the world. Sincere love and affection has also played a major role in the sustainability of my marriage.
What are some of the biggest adjustments you have had to make since being married?
I think marriage has made me a better person. Before now I never used to be calm but now I am as calm as I could ever be. Marriage has also made me wiser and closer to God.
What role has communication played in your marriage?
It has surely played an important and vital role. The role communication plays in a marriage is invaluable and immeasurable. Communication is should never be neglected by any reasonable couple because when it is, it gives room for unrealistic thoughts and assumptions. And once that sets in there is bound to be a big problem in the relationship which could be destructive.
What is the hardest thing you have had to deal with in your married life and how did handle it?
His anger and it was not easy at all. We are all humans and we are bound to be angry to an extent. I will say prayers and a lot of talking on it and patience. Today it’s not the case because that problem is hardly present in our lives.
How did you incorporate traditions from your childhood into raising your family? What type of new traditions did you start?
Funny enough we didn’t come into marriage with traditions as every other person will do ideally. We created ours as the spirit leads and it has been great ever since.
Household chores are normally an issue with married couples. What has yours been like?
From the very first day he has always being helpful around the house. Household chores should not be a challenge for couples because we are partners and should see it as a responsibility on both of us to make sure that things are properly done in the home. This does not mean as the wife and your husband is helping out that you should then relax and leave everything for him to run. As African women we still need to show our respect and play our roles as wives. Though there was a time he stopped and I immediately knew I had taken him for granted and I adjusted.
 How do you deal with conflicts in your marriage?
Conflicts are bound to happen in any relationship. If a conflict  arises in our marriage, we put God first and sit down to resolve and talk about the problem we are facing at that particular moment.  We both apologize and then move on.
How do you feel about your spouse now compared with when you first got together?
I definitely now have a whole lot of respect and I keep on falling in love with him every day. Every day I get to realize a new reason to be grateful that I have him as my husband.
We see so many young couples planning every detail of their wedding, but forgetting to plan for the rest of their lives together. How can they learn how to get it right the first time?
They should understand that in a relationship it’s all about trust and for trust to play it role and they to enjoy the benefits of trust there needs to be no secret.  Once they have trust as their foundation in marriage every other thing can fall in place.
Before marriage what were you told about marriage that you now see it differently being in one yourself?
My mum always said marriage is good and sweet, as you lay your bed so shall you lay on it. No one tells you that marriage isn’t a bed roses, it has its ups and downs. What my mum told me before I started my home has helped me a great deal. I had my marriage picture in my head and my hubby too.  Asides that marriage hasn’t been so different from what I was told, we (I & hubby) play it out our own way to suit of lives.