Are you married for the right reasons?

Over the weekend, a group of friends discussed the rising spate of violence in marriages today and someone noted that most marriages experience violence because the women married for no authentic reason. One of them had this to say: “Most women get married for the sake of being called a married woman. Ask around and you will find out that many got married just for the sake of being called Mrs A or B. Many don’t really get married for the sake of love and humanity.” Taking her submission further, Womanhood set out to find out why many get married. Is it out of pressure, desperation or true love? It is no news that many get married for the following reasons: pressure (from family), getting older, getting over an ex, fear of losing him/her, for material security, dating for a long period, pregnancy, etc.

Halima Abdulmalik, a 38-year-old PR consultant, says she got married because it has been ordained by God for every woman to get married to fulfil half of her faith. “I married because I wanted a companion and to have children I will call mine. More so, God has mandated mankind to get married to avoid immorality for those who can’t control themselves. I’m fulfilling God’s injunction and fulfilling half of my being. Most importantly, I was deeply in love with my husband and still am for 10 years now,” she said.

Mary Anyaeji, a 40-year-old banker, says: “This question is quite heavy and at the same time very serious. They said ‘Jane, if you see husband marry, if you see husband marry,’ so I saw a husband and married. Basically, I married out of pressure but this is not to say I do not love my husband. He was God sent at the right time when the pressure was becoming intense. So yes, I married out of pressure and love.”

Maryam Adamu, a 32-year-old nurse, said she married because she was in love. “At 23, I was young and very much in love. I didn’t want to spend a day or night without my husband and so did everything possible to make sure the marriage was possible,” she remarked.

Mercy Obinna, a civil servant in her mid-30s, says: “Believe me; I married without knowing the meaning of marriage when I was 19. But the truth is my husband was my first guy on earth and I was blind by first love. I got married because it was time to legalise my sexual activities, have kids and become a Mrs somebody.” Many married couples have never asked themselves the reason why they got married as many are not physically, spiritually or psychologically ready for the phase of life called marriage. Taking the decision to be married is certainly not something that should be taken lightly. Most times people do it for the wrong reasons leaving them in a violent relationship or marriage.