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Are you a control freak?

The tendency to control a spouse can emerge slowly in response to hurts or character weakness or it could be present at the very beginning…

The tendency to control a spouse can emerge slowly in response to hurts or character weakness or it could be present at the very beginning of the marriage. The tendency to be a control freak is common with women as we always want to be aware of all the activities of our spouse, though this is not to say that you should not show concern for your spouse by asking about his whereabouts but it should be done with consideration and limitation. But deciding when your spouse comes back from office or an occasion or who he hangs out with, is having the tendency to be a controlling wife. For many women, managing the home is a normal thing and they tend to carry that control into the lives of their spouse, neglecting the fact that it can become meddlesome in many ways which only creates a strain in the relationship.

Many times, most women do not start the marriage being controlling or dominating but tend to develop the tendency over time either because of the insecurities they face in the relationship, stress of the marriage or the natural instinct to take control of things in the home. Many times, as much as we hate to admit it, the man is seen to be the one who should be in control or dominating spouse but most times, we find out that it tends to be the other way round and tongues will start                        wagging about how submissive           your husband is to a controlling and dominating wife like yourself.

“My wife has taken complete control of my life. I can no longer go outside for a breath of fresh air unless I’m accompanied by The Dictator herself or her mother, who’s currently living with us,” said a young man who just wants to be known as Larry. Another thing with controlling wives is that they never allow any of their in-laws to be around them. it is always her mother or her sister who will always keep an eye on the husband to give her feedback on his activities whenever she is not around.

Does it ever cross the mind of a controlling wife that her husband could become fed up with all the negativism she displays.

Being a controlling wife could come in several ways as sometimes it could be that there is nothing positive that he ever does that comes out positive to you as you always want it done your own way. Though there is no denying the fact that some men are just not positive in the affairs of their home at all, but then, when he is, why not thank him and acknowledge his efforts?

Most times, women who tend to have this character are not aware that they are controlling and dominating and may even deny that they are not the controlling type when confronted, but the basic questions  you should ask yourself are as follows are; do you appreciate whatever he does for you?, do you consult him before you do certain things even if it has to do with you personally?, do you insist that he does something for you even if it is not within his capacity to do it then?, do you always see faults in him or whatever he does? Do you decide the kind of friends he hangs out with and what he does with his extra time? If you are guilty of any of these then you need to make drastic and realistic adjustment as you might just be sinking your marriage.

Do not see the marriage as one that needs a dominator but as one of partnership. No woman should be seen as one whose husband is always afraid of, the man should always be able to exert the fact that he is the husband and not the wife. Learning to trust your spouse will also do a lot of good as it will erase a lot of suspicion thereby curbing the tendency to be a controlling wife. The only person who can help you out of this negative behaviour is you and you alone, see positivity in the marriage and not trying to be the control freak is your best bet.