Are you a chief complainant?

Most times in our lives we find ourselves complaining about certain circumstances that we find ourselves in but the big question is how often do we complain or nag as some people term it?  Do you complain? Well who doesn’t, anyway? It is only when it is too much that is no longer tolerable.

Life is so full of little surprises and frustrating circumstances. Some complaining is just human nature that happens on the spur of the moment and finds out that we have no control over. But at what point do we cross the line from normal complaining or ‘venting’ to an unhealthy and negative amount of whining?

As much as we try not to, we find ourselves complaining about something every day in our lives and sometimes take it to the extreme. This is mostly common with women as we grumble, groan and nag about little issues that trouble us to anyone who cares to listen even if it is a stranger who at the end of the day cannot offer any suitable solution to our problem or if they do offer any at all, it might be for a negative purpose to get back at whoever might be the cause of the complain.

Most women spend a lot of time complaining and talking about their problems to friends without really attempting to invent a solution to the problem. They are just interested in talking about how certain problems make them feel bad and how they will be taking their revenge on whoever is responsible for their predicament. These ranting and nagging can turn into long analyses that get repeated over and over again, while this act will keep some friends close to you because they know with you around they will always get one gist or the other. While it keeps these kinds of friends closer, complaining also keeps the complainant or nagging person from feeling any better about the problem because it only makes matter worse for the complainer.

Excessive complaining can get psychologically risky for the complainant because dwelling on a problem and nagging about it for a while can reinforce small fears that the conflict has brought up or even introduce new problems to make the person feel bad about themselves or even make the situation more problematic than it already is.

The big question though is if complaining is good or bad. The kind of society we live in tries to convince us that we should smile and have a nice day pretending that everything is fine even if you are on the verge of death. However, we all know that it is not realistic to pretend that everything is fine in our lives without letting it out one way or the other.  A professor in psychology Barbara Held said “we are always encouraged to see the bright side of life thereby masking their unhappiness which in the long run could be very toxic to the human mind and psychology. It is important to learn how to tell friends and family when you are not happy about a particular situation and if you do not, you end up alone in pain.” Complain can be healing but when it is done judiciously and in a civil manner, she said.

Complaining is not always bad; however there is the good, bad and ugly side of it. The good side of complaining is channelled through bringing positive changes to a situation. Complaining can be a good thing when it is meant to bring about change and even reach the desired goal when expressed clearly and calmly to the right person.

There is a time complaining can go either way.

Also, complaining could be described as being expressive. The positive side of expressive complain is when you just need to get something off your chest and you vent out your complain, thereby feeling better and letting go of the whole issue once you have expressed yourself. The bad side of expressive complain happens when we complain and continue to complain and just won’t stop or let go off the issue or problem. For this kind of person low esteem seems to be the root of their problem because they are not ready to let go off the problem neither are they looking for a solution to the problem. They just want to give an impression that they are important whereas in the real sense they are not, so they feel by complaining nonstop is the only way out.

The ugly side of complaining is the chronic complainant who always sees fault in everything anybody does and never sees positivity in anyone. Such a person loves to talk but will rarely listen thereby rejecting any solution that one might have to offer.

A little whining here and there has never hurt anybody, but a constant negative complaining attitude equals an unhappy, negative life. The key is not to let the habit of complaining and nagging become the norm in your life. Complaining can do more harm than good if it is not effectively managed.

Complaint can be a tool for impression management or how people see us and our behaviour.  The way we channel our complaint tells a lot about the kind of person we are. So when next you find yourself complaining, make sure you are not nagging and repeating yourself over and over again as this will signify that you have a low self esteem and above all select an appropriate listener who will proffer a solution to the problem and not one who will make matters worse and even make a story out of it at your detriment.