Are our lives based on perception of others?

“It is really frustrating. I have worked so hard to be the good wife and all I get is ingratitude. What more do they want me to do. I have gone outside my way to try to impress and satisfy everybody but it has really not yielded any good results. When I have I make sure that I try my best to satisfy all no matter how small but as soon as I can’t meet up their needs I become the bad person. Is it right to live my live based on the perception of others”

The above was a comment by a participant at a mother’s forum in Abuja some weeks back.  Mrs. Adeshola Adeniran a legal practitioner asked what and who defines the good and bad in people?”

The question basically asks if our personality should be based on the opinions and perceptions of others. We generally live in a society, where our personality and relevance is based on the judgment of people. We have situations where most people are obsessed about what people think and say about them and they strive to do whatever keeps them in the good books of the people notwithstanding if its positive or negative.

Mrs. Helen Adeleye Kassim, 38 year old educationist says, “I don’t care at all what people think of me. As long as I am sure that what I am doing is not against my creator, I don’t really bother. You cannot please everyone in this world. If you strive to do so then you will automatically end up being a puppet because you will never achieve anything for yourself. What does one gain by pleasing the world and forsaking our creator? For me, no one can define what my personality is or should be. I have a mind of my own and should be able to make good use of it. It does not mean I am not open to advise when I am wrong but when I have a strong believe that what I am doing is not against my creator then I’m sorry, your opinion just doesn’t count.”

If you want to please people, you have to lie most of time in order not to hurt their feelings. But if you are sincere with yourself and you will find out that you will step on the toes of many if you have to keep your policies and faith strong. For Hajiya Fatima Aliyu 42 year old teacher based in Kaduna says, “When you have a particular standard you want to set for yourself in life, you will surely have to automatically be bad to some people if not a majority. What is good and what is bad is defined in different ways by different people. Do not forget we are all humans and we all have an element of bad in us. No one is perfect but when you live your live based on what people will think of you, then you are sure on no progress coming your way. You are only living the lives of others and not yours.

Everyone has his/her life to live and so are our characters. Even twins don’t have the same characteristics; they sure differ in a way.  I would say that you should continue to do what you feel is good; your reward is not with the people but from the Almighty. If you want to please God you always have to tell the truth even if it is against your own parents. People who were hated by most of people, God loved them the most. Examples are all prophets. And Allah knows best who is truthful because only He knows your sins, good deeds and your intentions, not the people.”

Abdullahi Mnaga, 39 year old engineer says, “No one has a right to define who we are but on the other hand we should always try to be a good. Everyone has a good and bad side. No one can claim to be perfect. It’s true that we can’t please everyone but, it’s true that we can give all our best to everyone so that, they themselves will see that no matter how hard they try to bring us down or make us look bad, we will always remain good. Never pay ingratitude with bad deeds.”

Hajiya Maryam Abdullahi, marriage counselor concludes by saying, “We should never ever think ourselves as good enough because everyone testifies that that we are good. When we allow that kind of perception sink in us then we will stop learning and assume we are the perfect being. Naturally, when that happens we begin to see ourselves above any human being.”

She adds that, “Perfection belongs to God and him alone. We can’t please people no matter how much we try to, always do good and learn to be better person no matter the ingratitude that comes our way. Most of all we should learn to stop thinking about whatever pessimists have to say about your character. Because the most important thing is how we value ourselves before our creator. He alone should be the judge of whom and what we are.”