Another American Accuses

I had a crush on Julia Roberts of Pretty Woman fame and suffered guilt until I watched Erin Brokovich and finally blamed it on kindred journalistic instinct. Ms. Pierson is no stunt double of Julia Roberts. Until last Wednesday, she was the plump director of the US Secret Service who, in American terms suffered from bureaucratic somnambulism.
Under her watch it is now revealed, an armed man rode on an elevator with President Obama at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, CDC in Georgia. She failed to report to Obama until the press got wind of the infraction. As they say, when it rains, it pours; on September 19 Iraq war veteran, Omar J Gonzalez jumped the White House fence and made it deep into the Executive Mansion with a folding knife. It has not been revealed if Gonzalez carries an IS membership card. But Ms. Pierson bit the bullet and left the service as if she was the officer who left the door open and switched off the alarm system for the East Wing.
For Americans who are paranoid about their own safety, these infractions were enough for dishonourable discharge of their security chief. In Naija, many generals have killed Abubakar Shekau with their mouths and failed? Many Inspectors-General have made similar promises and flopped. But one must say such things in hushed whispers, lest mad dog Joseph Mbu orders a summary execution. Only last week, he detained Amaechi Anakwe for calling him controversial.
A Naija powerful female minister is still drawing her petrodollars with the full backing of President Jones even after a parliamentary committee toned down the missing $20 billion to $927 million under her watch. The man Reno Omokri alias Wendell Simlin who attempted to smear the whistleblower as a Boko Haram sponsor still runs his budget at the presidency. But then, I am only comparing apples with yams.
To quote Chuba Okadigbo of blessed memory, no mass of protoplasm can ride in the same elevator with the president of the feral republic. Like Anakwe, people get threatened with detention if they try to ride the ministerial elevator in Radio House or the ones reserved for principal officers at the Dome. Ever been caught in a Tokunbo airplane flying into Abuja when the air is being cleared for the president’s executive jet? Or have you ever tried to overtake a governor’s empty convoy on the highway? Weeks ago, reports had it that a vehicle in a governor’s convoy broke down on the highway, all movements stopped until it was repaired. When the almighty convoy began moving again, no vehicle was allowed to overtake it until it reached its destination. A young man who drove ‘too close’ to an army patrol in Kaduna escaped death by whiskers when the soldiers shot through the radiator of his car and let him off with a verbal warning – steer clear of patrol vehicles. This is quintessential Naija.
Living abroad gives special privileges. You get to rub shoulders with ministers as if they are flesh and blood and even shake their hands. You can ride in the same elevators. You get to meet governors’ wives in shopping malls as they check out. You drive on the same route as they are chauffeured in red-lettered plates in traffic jams devoid of outriders, sirens and other illegalities that infuse public office with uncommon privileges at home.
Early this year Mark Harper, former British immigration minister resigned after a domestic staff he hired in 2007 and cleared by the home office was discovered to be an illegal immigrant. His reason: “I consider that as immigration minister, who is taking legislation through parliament which will toughen up our immigration laws, I should hold myself to a higher standard than expected of others.” In Naija, Harper would have featured on the national honours list for attempting to resign. Ms. Pierson, would have been covered by the presidential umblera.
If conscientious resignations were a hallmark of democracy, there will be no DPO left in Boko Haram territories. They would have resigned for losing their stations to armed insurgents. The defence ministers whose troops made tactical manoeuvre to Cameroon would be out of work and the GOC under whose watch ‘unknown soldiers’ burnt four public transportation vehicles in Lagos would be out of service. The army spokesman who spooked the nation that our Chibok girls had been rescued would have left service. The minister who claimed to have Ebola cure is on his seat. Another court-marshal is in progress trying 97 soldiers for among others, absconding. When will we try those responsible for the missing airplane; our weapons now in Boko Haram hands? From far-away America, Ms. Pierson’s conscience accuses. Any takers?