And Dindinrin almost had it!

–    We have taken over sir.
–    Who are ‘we’?
–    My name is Gilbert Deindere.
–    Dindinrin.
–    Deindere sir.
–    I heard you the first time, but you are dindinrin, do you have an idea what it means.
–    No sir.
–    Dunce…that is what it means in Yoruba. You have to be dindinrin to organize a coup in this day and age.
–    We did it for the Burkinabe people.
–    Which ones?
–    We wanted to stop violence sir.
–    Are you sitting close to a window?
–    No sir.
–    Okay, you must be hiding under your wife’s skirt in an underground bunker.
–    Not quite sir, I was at the palace sir.
–    Yes you took over your former boss’ palace?
–    Sir I meant the palace of the Mogho Naaba.
–    Dindinrin.
–    It’s Diendere sir?
–    Dindinrin! Only dindinrin takes over government and runs to hide in the palace of a traditional ruler.
–    It was to prevent bloodshed sir.
–    If you peep from your bunker, you will see what the real Burkinabe think of you. This is what happens when you spend reasonable time quaffing pepper soup, drinking beer and cavorting with women of easy virtue – you end up having a practical nightmare. Just don’t show up anywhere until we can pacify the mob baying for your blood, because there’s explosive anger on the streets.
–    We are ready for them sir.
–    I hope you’re ready for French troops too. I’ll teach you the song Naija students sing when they’re demonstrating?
–    Okay sir.
–    How many people soldiers go shoot o,
How many people soldiers go kill.
Heh, you go kill them taya,
Heh, you go kill them taya,
He-eh, you go kill them taya,
How many people soldiers go kill.
Look my friend, those guys on the streets are ready to die and you are ready to spend the rest of your career in a prison in Europe. Have you checked the calendar of late?
–    Yes sir, its September 16, 2015 sir.
–    It means we are fifteen years into the 21st Century. Do you know what that means?
–    I don’t get your drift sir.
–    Well, it means that coups are so passé as you the French say. So passé! So my friend, you will need more than the Mogho Naaba to get you out of town.
–    I am truly sorry sir, it won’t repeat itself sir.
–    It won’t repeat itself? You’ll be lucky to get out with your skin behind your backs.
–    We don’t want to be skinned alive sir.
–    I am talking to my colleagues. Do you read the Bible Gilbert?
–    Occasionally sir.
–    Well read Psalms, but not Psalm 81:10, if you open your mouth wide while awaiting the nest orders you may suffer from lockjaw. Do you understand?
–    Yes sir.
–    We will try to get you out of the mess but while waiting, don’t smoke any more joint, don’t drink another bottle, just lie low, do you understand?
–    Yes sir…
–    That’s an order young man. I did this nonsense before, I realized it does not pay; I gave it up and embraced democracy and you see Naija people gave me their trust again – you stand no chance. You should have resigned your commission and joined the league. Do you follow Judge Judith Shiendlin?
–    Who is he sir?
–    Dindinrin, I said Judith, she is an American judge with lots of commonsense. Her book title is Beauty Fades, Dumb is forever; you truly sound dumb trying to steal what you were paid to guard. In Naija, they would call you a goat. Only goats eat their boss’ yams.
–    Sorry sir. With elections approaching, we just wanted to prevent bloodshed.
–    The mercury on your political barometer of bloodshed was reading crazy. I understand some of your boys have already shed innocent blood; you may have to face Fatou Bensouda.
–    We want free passage sir.
–    You’re not in a position to demand anything. I’ll see if I can persuade my colleagues to work out an exit strategy for you, – tu comprends?
–    Oui, I mean, yes sir.
–    Good, so you will tell your trigger-happy colleagues to hold their fire. The real army would disarm you out of the glare of civilians to cover your shame, but if you kill or manhandle just one more person, I won’t be able to help you and neither would Francois.
–    Yes sir, thank you sir.
–    Solider?
–    Yes sir.
–    Forceful takeovers are passé. If they were not, do you think that people like Yahya Jammeh, Robert Mugabe, or Theodoro Nguema or …
–    I get your drift sir. Your boys are loyal sir. We will maintain sir, until further orders from you sir.
–    Dindinrin!