All in the name of love?

Moderation in everything we do is a virtue encouraged in Islam. There is need for moderation to underscore everything we do in life. The Prophet (SAW) said, “The best of (all) affairs is its middle course”. Islam teaches Muslims to be modest in their eating, talking, sleeping and in all other personal habits. According to the Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW), moderation in eating, for example, requires that we divide our stomach into three and fill one-third of it with solid food, the second with water and the third with air. God gave man one mouth and two ears because He, Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala (SWT), wants us to be moderate in speech by talking less and listening more. Man could have health challenges if he’s not moderate in his sleeping habit. Moderation is expected to permeate all routine activities that make up a man’s life including that which is imperceptible such as love, hate, and anger.

The Nigerian Muslim community was recently taken aback when someone ignored Islam’s exhortation on moderation and took ‘love’ too far; indeed, farther than the limits set by religion and common sense. It was shocking to hear that a young girl living in Albarkawa area of Gusau metropolis in Zamfara state set herself ablaze on Sunday September 8, 2019 because her fiancé who dated her for a long time could not afford to pay her dowry due to his poor financial status. When parents of 17-year old Aisha requested her suitor identified as Umar to present himself for betrothal, the young man responded that he was not financially well off to pay the N17, 000 quoted for him as dowry. On hearing this, Aisha allegedly set herself on fire.

Aisha reportedly got herself soaked with petrol, struck a match stick to and she was instantly engulfed in flames. It was reported that Aisha’s younger sister stopped her several times by flinging the matchbox from her hand each time she attempted to strike the match stick but had to leave Aisha when she became tired of stopping her. The sister screamed for help when she saw Aisha in flames and some Good Samaritans arrived to put out the flames. A living being setting herself on fire in the name of ‘love’? This is incredible! It is an uncommon form of suicide. It is forbidden in Islam for anyone to take his own life by any means; no matter how inhuman the circumstances have become.

The rising cases of suicide in Nigeria in recent times has become worrisome. There is need for an aggressive public enlightenment on why suicide should not be seen as an option to quandaries. This week Tuesday, September 10, 2019 was marked as World Suicide Prevention Day (WSPD). The day is used to raise awareness on how suicide can be prevented. Although this was just two days after Aisha set herself on fire, not many Nigerians knew about the day.

I find it difficult to explain what actually led Aisha into the drastic decision she took. Could it be that she felt disappointed that someone she so much loved could not afford to ‘go out of his way’ to pay for her dowry? Could it be that she felt her fiancé’s action portrayed him as a man who loved her less than she loved him and therefore felt betrayed or deceived? If either of these two questions provides an explanation for her action, then, she must have been crazy in her love for him.

It is important to preach, counsel, advise and warn against extremist position in all matters; whether religious, political, economic or social. We need to encourage people, especially those in their youthful years, to avoid being desperate over anything; anything at all. As Muslims, we should be guided by belief in destiny, good or bad. Anything destined to come our way will certainly come to pass; our circumstances notwithstanding. Likewise, anything that is not meant for us shall never come our way no matter how passionate we feel about it. No personal or collective efforts would make us earn that which has not been ordained by Allah (SWT) to be ours.

There wasn’t any reason for Aisha to be so desperate as to resort to suicide for the sake of a failed betrothal. After all, even marriages fail, let alone engagements. “Disappointment”, they say, “is not the end of a man’s life”. The attempt by a man or woman to change the course of destiny simply amounts to challenging God’s wisdom and verdict. Aisha chose and prioritised desperation over moderation. Where there is desperation, there would be no moderation. But if one selects and makes moderation as the catchphrase of everything he does, his life would have no space for desperation to survive.

While Aisha is here in Zamfara state of Nigeria complaining about a man’s inability to marry her, another woman elsewhere is complaining of her husband expressing too much love for her. What a world of different strokes! Another bizarre incident, yet in the kingdom of love, took place few weeks before the Zamfara incident in faraway gulf country of the United Arab Emirates. A housewife sought divorce from her husband because, according to her, he loved and cared for her too much. The woman sought divorce from her husband at the Shari’ah Court in Fujairah because she felt too choked by his excessive love for her. The couple had been married for a year only.

According to Khaleej Times, the woman told the court that her husband never yelled at her or turned her down. She complained that her husband did everything for her including cooking food and cleaning the house. “I long for one day of dispute, but this seems impossible with my romantic husband who always forgave me and showered me with gifts”, the woman said. The husband, however, insisted that he did nothing wrong and only wished to be a perfect and kind husband. He therefore requested the court to advise his wife to withdraw the case from the court. The court, thus, asked the two to reconcile things.

In the case of Aisha and her possible ‘admirers’, we advise parents to widen the podium where they sit to discuss with their children especially when they are no longer children. Where a platform for discussion does not exist, we urge parents to create one. As for the UAE woman and her fans, we advise her to cherish what she has because, “the devil you know”, they say, “is better than the angel you don’t know”. One of the counsels I have also heard our elders give to married women is that “a woman does not know the value of her husband until she loses one”. May Allah (SWT) guide us to be modest in everything we say or do, amin.