“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” – Vicki Harrison.
Grief! You never know how to navigate it or how to comfort people who are grieving and unless you experience it you would never know why. Losing my dear father was the single most painful experience in my life. At that point I would have given my life up if it would bring him back to this world. Alas, man proposes, God disposes.
My religion teaches me that every soul shall taste death, we are all visitors in this world and the final abode, the eternal life is in the Hereafter. I guess this somewhat comforts me. It is not easy I must confess and sometimes it may have you questioning certain aspects of this life and plainly just living this life like a programmed robot.
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The one thing that always seems constant though is that God always comes through in ways one would never have imagined. My spirituality and connection to God has never been this high so alhamdulillah in all situations.
My Baba was an amazing father who was always there for every milestone in our lives. He was always there to give the best advice and support in whatever way.
My father instilled confidence in me from a very young age. I have older siblings but my memories of doing homework had only my father in it. It is possible that my siblings assisted me but I have absolutely no recollection. I was very bad in Art and I hated having bad scores in any subject so my dear father taught me how to draw in simple ways with lines and circles just so I could get decent scores. I remember we started with a bicycle and fish. This single action shaped my academic and professional life, it made me strive for excellence in everything I did and alhamdulillah I made my father proud in every aspect of my life.
My father loved excellence. It made me happy that I made him happy. Throughout our lives our mother and father would do things to make life easier for us; from the most mundane to the complicated. They were very present parents and that helped to shape all of us.
I was particularly close to Baba, he had a soft spot for me, I literally could get away with anything and he would give me anything I wanted as long he was able to. He was always the provider, never wanting us to ask for anything from anyone but him and because of that we were always content as a family. Baba was a very intelligent man and you could have discussions with him on just about anything, literally from the Sciences to the Arts.
We read Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code at about the same time and he gave me intrinsic details of specific events in the book as he had visited the Louvre and other places mentioned in the book. I always enjoyed our conversations. He also had a wonderful sense of humour, always sending us funny anecdotes. Baba was also a very empathetic and kind hearted man who could easily sense something was off just by talking to you.
I remember in my final year in the university while writing my final exams, I carelessly left my bag laying around and it got stolen with all my belongings. I was very sad about it and when Baba called, he sensed it. Without even asking him for anything, he replaced every single thing that was stolen. His intention was never to make me feel entitled but to allow me concentrate on studying for my exams without any hitches. That was the quintessential Baba, always looking out for people in every way he could. He was a very kind man who would forever have a special place in my heart.
It has been a year now since we lost our beloved father but the memory is still fresh in our minds. They say time heals all wounds but frankly it doesn’t, you just learn various ways to cope with your emotions. For anyone grieving a loved one, it is never easy, some days you are fine and, on some days, it is hell. You literally can’t do anything about the way your emotions alter so you just have to accept them and feel what you need to feel.
May Allah reunite us all with our loved ones in Al Jannah Firdaus. It would surely be an epic reunion.
Nabila Wada Maida sent this from Abuja
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