A stagnant nation

Does anyone else get the impression that in Nigeria, progress is so marginal and so slow that it feels like we are in some sort of loop?

Do you also feel that time works differently here, folding into itself so that it seems as if we are stuck in place. You could stay away for years and return to a country in which very little has changed (except for the worse): rampant corruption and poor governance are still the order of the day, the nation is still plagued by inadequate infrastructure; roads are still potholed, power supply still hormonal; basic amenities are still out of the reach of many; the old national anthem has become the new national anthem; and old-fashioned misogyny/patriarchy is still the norm, more or less.

Naija is ill and the diagnosis is easy; the nation is suffering from a bad case of stagnation. Because things are the way they are, I find that I am writing about the same things – especially when it comes to gender roles and equality – over and over again, and it is infuriatingly tedious. Whatever little spark there is of progress is quenched by the daily headlines and viral posts that appear to be clones of each other.

This week, one of the viral posts is one in which a man shares a video of his brother nonchalantly turning the pages of a paper while his wife, allegedly seven months old pregnant serves him his meals on her knees. She makes multiple trips to the kitchen while oga just sits and waits for her. The poster then says how the woman is the sort he’d want to marry – heavily pregnant, still cooking and kneeling for her husband. In 2024. What sort of man gets off on having his wife kneel to serve him his meal? The man doesn’t want a wife, he wants a slave. Yet, there were those who agreed with him.

The obstinate perpetuation of outdated gender roles and societal norms is depressing. It’s bewildering to me how, in an age where the rest of the world is pushing the boundaries of equality and technological advancement, there are those in Naija so shamelessly celebrating the subjugation and humiliation of women, especially women who are pregnant and whose husbands ought to be pampering.

At the beginning of the year, when the other pregnant lady whose name I have forgotten went viral for waking up at some unholy hour to cook for her husband so that his ‘long throat’  wouldn’t cause him to stray, even huge corporations (NNPC, Indomie, FilmHouse) and celebrities rewarded her with money and gifts, praising her ‘dedication’ and ‘love,’ encouraging the idea that to be a good wife means babying your husband, sacrificing yourself, and doing unnecessary labour at a time in your life when you should be resting.

These days, I hear the woman doles out advice to young women in relationships, which I find concerning. This isn’t the sort of role model we should be encouraging our young women to aspire to. Besides, no man who loves you would have you waiting on him hand and foot in the manner that the husbands of these women seem to encourage.

This clinging to antiquated beliefs of a woman’s role in society has no place in the 21st century. We ought to be preparing our daughters and sisters for a world in which they are respected not for their servitude but for what they can contribute to their homes and our world. Our men shouldn’t be looking for wives who can serve them, but ones who will be their partners in the true sense of the word. We need a cultural shift, one that values women as full members of the community. We must begin the work of dismantling these deep-rooted patriarchal attitudes if we are to see any progress. And for those who would use “culture” as an excuse for keeping women in the dark ages, culture isn’t set in stone. A wise people know to discard oppressive cultures.

Ndi Igbo say that when a god misbehaves, it is shown the tree form which it was carved. When the system that ought to help make life more liveable does the opposite, then that system must be interrogated. We should want progress, and we should want it now.