Arewa is changing

A man hadn’t heard of a relative for a long time. So he sent some money to that relative as a signal that he was thinking of him.

Like a switch, this relative realized that he had a benefactor who would take care of all his problems. So he turned to him for food, school fees for his children, medical bill for his family and even rent. It was as if he convinced himself that the only responsibility he had was to sleep with his wife.

The requests became frequent and torrential. Before my friend could grant one request, two more had been added. But that is not all. Ten more relatives and friends are making the same demands of my friend who isn’t a rich man.

This man grew to fear his phone, because before breakfast, text messages have already collected, all saying the same thing: give me money.

Additionally, people  don’t believe him whenever he said he is broke – even when he sends them his account balance, they give him only one day off, and resume begging the next day.

We used to be a proud, hardworking and bashful people. Our forefathers – and more recently, our fathers – even in the face of poverty, would rather break wood to sell than beg, in accordance with the Prophetic advice. But our generation is different. We shamelessly beg for everything.

“I  pay for other people’s children before I pay my own children’s school fees,” my friend told me in frustration, “but our people are becoming merciless and relentless.”

I’ve received many stories similar to this. A lady said to me recently that she told her relatives early in the year that she would stop giving them monthly stipend by December.

I know times are hard. But it didn’t start today. For thousands of years,  good and bad times have alternated. It is called the economic cycle.

I also know that generous individuals are few and far between. But let’s not drive away the few generous ones like my friend. And I appeal to those who are well off to continue with the good you are doing and expect your reward from Allah.

Let’s maintain our well known dignity even in the face of challenges.

When I shared this opinion on social media, many said it was their story too. Following are some of the comments.

Dr Aminu Otaki:

“The story is the same all over. Those who choose to be generous are being overburdened. May Allah make it easy for all of us.”

Monima Daminabo:

“Prof Dooba, candid observation by you. This is the escalation of the syndrome of inequity in our system. The processes of surviving economically are becoming more sophisticated with ever  increasing members of the society exposed to fresh challenges of making ends meet. Hitherto when subsistence farming was the main stay of the domestic economy of the average family members of the kindred shared resources with each other  with contentment. In a new world of inequitable income distribution, there are grave distortions that manifest in the benevolent but scantily endowed saddled through empathy with catering for their fellow handicapped while most of the rich who corner society’s largesse warehouse such selfishly. Givers to the less privileged are often not the richest in society even as their acts of magnanimity may by publicly acclaimed. Those who drive charity in society are those closer the needy- the not so rich but sympathetic people.”

Saleh Bature:

“Dr. Ibraheem, this is a general problem in the north. We are all passing through this harrowing experience with our people. May Allah ease our ways.”

Ridwan Hussein Abarshi:

“Ibraheem Dooba This is actually my story. It is indeed stressful to  say the least.”

AbdulRahman Alfa:

“Doc, as if you just posted my story.”

Sulaiman Abiola Ibrahim:

“Factual sir! It is everywhere – not only the north. imagine someone expecting his younger brother to buy him ram for naming ceremony and aggressively requesting without shame. We need  to accept challenges as trials from Allah, surely with faith and contentment it will come to past.”

Ibrahim Nuhu Saidu:

“Very apt Dr. But we need to look into how children of this generation are brought up. Something fundamental is missing.

If parents keep on displaying such behaviour,   it would  become intergenerational problem to handle. Today nobody wants to invest in learning about parenting. We assume we are balanced with our current situation, but in reality, things are changing.

Thanks for the reminder Dr.”

Repeated: First published last week, December 12, 2020.