Security and the Buhari-NASS no show

Nigeria is not a democracy. We need to stop misconstruing noble lexicons and misinterpreting concepts. A democracy thrives when the will of the people is expressed without coercion leading to a veritable outcome that is universally acceptable. In a democracy, there are checks and balances with consequences for breaking that established running order. In a real democracy, one arm of the democratic institution is not higher or bigger than the other, they exist to help balance the equation.

Now, check the Nigerian order and what you get is a rulership system mirrored after the feudal order but well packaged and presented as democracy by the holding of elections. In this fraud, the selected gets contrived popular endorsement then all the ‘winners’ jostle for supremacy.

In our system, a man sits in an opulent palace blocked from reality and truth. He acquires the title of president but the authority of the ancient monarch; everything and everyone else prostrate before an anointed king, democratised. The new ruler acquires the attributes of the omnipotent. He selects advisers whose counsel means nothing. Palace praise singers compose the melody that sways the king. This is the kind of power structure that only Donald Trump envies!

The ruining party is not actually a party. It was formed of people feeling left out of the scheme (remember Santa Dasuki and the bandits?). The emergent swarm of locusts did not even call their gathering a party; they gave it a fancy name – the All Progressives Congress. In the animal kingdom, a congress is a gathering of salamanders. Salamanders are often confused with lizards just as Nigerian politicians are confused with their global counterparts; they have beautiful skin colours, just like the clowns ruining our nation flow in resplendent garbs. They feed on insects (we, the people). They should protect the crops, synonymous with the nation, except that they ruin it.

But salamanders are carnivores. Given the right atmosphere, they’d feed on their own kind (just like Nigerian politricians). They are very sensitive (ever tried criticising the Nigerian ruining class?). Why does a government need total control of media, social or mainstream? They could breathe through their own skin – all attributes of the average Nigerian politrician. To survive among any group that sometimes prey on its kind, you need two things – a dead conscience and a lack of empathy.

Now, place the average Nigerian politrician on this scale, and you find a balance and why Nigeria is unworkable. These floor-crossing salamanders simply follow the money.

As insecurity increases, it would appear that these people are finally feeling the heat. This was what led to the House of Representatives’ invite to the Emperor, who, knowing that there are no consequences for failed promises agreed to show. It was meant to be a circus and the Senate quickly opted out of it. They reasoned that the ruler is unquestionable – as long as he’s not probing their dirty behind.

This is not the British or Canadian Parliament’s Question Period! In our contrived structure, the president is the head – of the Congress! He could not be ordered around. So, he had no obligation to report and his law officer convinces him power lies in being reticent. It’s all a game and we are the pawns on their chessboard.

On D-day, attorney general Abubakar Malami tells the Congress that the emperor answers to nobody’s summons. While that was going on, the emperor gassed up our jet, and flew to Daura to tend to his cows that, truth be told, must have missed him these 10 months of global-isolation.

The entire nation waits, in bated breath for news that these holy cows, once reputed for their sterility would have produced a calf or two. Holy cows! We are jolted out of our revelries by news of the abduction of 400 young students by armed bandits right under the president’s nose.

If you were not Nigerian, you’d be forgiven for wondering what is going on here. A people are supposed to be at their safest when their president is around them, but Katsinawas are sentenced to a different aura just as the entire north is sentenced to the insensitivity of established nepotism that puts their own in charge of all organs of security even if they don’t qualify.

It so happens that the bandits must have been privy to the president’s itinerary moving from Kankara, through Dan Ali to Maidabino. Katsina citizens have been subjected to unprecedented assault by armed bandits in spite of the president’s presence and power.

You could imagine General Buhari’s disposition if Niger Delta bandits had abducted Bayelsa children under Goodluck Jonathan, a bloody clueless civilian! You could imagine the attitude of the north-of-generals if someone else other than Buhari was commander-in-chief or chief of the military in these circumstances. We now mourn in silence.

Aminu Bello Masari, the governor, who paid bandits for peace to reign, was reportedly in tears. Nigerian rulers induce crocodile tears. The president’s handlers pulled out a press release template, edited the names and pushed the send button. Exasperated Katsina parents now feel the pain of Chibok parents. Who is next?

If we had a questionable emperor, perhaps reality might have touched him, forcing him to postpone his vacation and sparing his kinsfolks the sadness that characterises his insistence on running or reigning without commensurate capacity. Today, all eyes are on our nation and Buhari’s best news is that the forest has been surrounded by troops. We need to bring the children back and their abductors punished! Not statements.

Buhari campaigned as a general under whose watch Chibok could not have happened. Buhari kept silent, as herdsmen terrorised other parts of the country. Buhari makes excuses where concrete action is required. Buhari won’t sack indolent service chief. Buhari is a failure if someone is able to tell him the real truth. Human life has become brutally cheap under this recycled general. A man who cannot protect his own household is not qualified to guard the ruga of another. But as a good citizen, let me say happy vacation President Buhari. Global leaders envy a peer who could vacation in peace while his country burns!

On Adeniyi’s Demotion

So General Olusegun Adeniyi, the man who punctured the narrative that our gallant troops run from bandits and insurgents has been demoted! If you are surprised, then you are not a Nigerian. The prevailing rule today is for those not qualified to eat with 10 fingers to zip up and turn their heads when the privileged are at table.

General Adeniyi should count himself lucky in an era when his commander, Tukur Buratai is flying the kite of a possible military coup. Adeniyi should count himself lucky that somebody somewhere has not organised an ambush to waste him. Others like him have been wasted. He should erect a barricade thicker than the Ancient Walls of Benin between himself and any bloody civilian. Buhari should keep his indolent service chiefs, they truly deserve each other and we deserve what we have foisted on ourselves.