Why Dubai is bad for business

It is a worthy saying that one should keep one’s friends close and his enemies closer. Anyone knowing the cool relationship between Nigerians and the United Arab Emirate would never believe that they could hurt the national pride.

It is not a sin that when Dubai discovered black gold two years after Nigeria, its wicked leaders did not ask how we built our pioneer universities. The Arabs didn’t grow profligate wings. They did not sponsor the First Arab and Middle East Festival, FAMEF. Initially their rulers were making medical tourism to beautiful Nigeria. No Nigerian worthy of his green passport was ready to abandon home to go and live in the Arabian Desert.

Nigeria’s best brains were being enticed without success to come and live in the then Great Britain. But unlike the Emirates, Nigeria’s leaders lacked the vision to building a future that its citizens could invest in. But to the credit of our leaders, they sponsored FESTAC, the Festival of African Arts and Culture. Seeing that money still remained, they paid the Udoji awards.

While this was going on, in relative obscurity, Dubai went into planning mode. Its rulers invested in building a nation it could be proud of and sites the world would one day queue to see. With thinkers working as if oil would dry up in 1977, the UAE built a robust economy and tourism that respect national pride and Arabic/Islamic culture.

At that time Nigerian leaders were flying to OPEC, Geneva in full dignity. One successful mutiny after another we joined the planless club embarked on profligate spending. Today, even Britain our colonial mother does not want to do anything with us except to poach our best brains. Today it takes shaking all the forces in heaven for an ordinary Nigerian to get a visa to London.

Thank God for good friends, Nigerians could go to Dubai as they please. They don’t need visas. Travel agents have made millions packaging tours so that Nigerians won’t miss the British museum and our stolen artifacts proudly displayed there; or the sound of Big Ben, or realise that London Bridge is not falling down.

Successive Nigerian ruiners have moved their illicit wealth to Dubai. Senior evil servants have moved their extravagant weddings and birthday celebrations to Dubai. Strategic political meetings are held there too. Politicians have moved their wealth hidden there because Dubai is the new London. Those that could not win the visa lottery to America or migrate to Canada go to Dubai as slaves or house helps. The wealthy go there to shop till they drop. That, my dear friends, is what you call a friendly nation.

But of late, Dubai has been behaving funny. When the heat turned on James Onanefe Ibori, he flew to Dubai as his safe haven until the British compiled his file. Dubai released him to Scotland Yard. Ibori has served his term and returned home a silent hero. Nigeria forgave Dubai. Recently, social influencer Ramon Abass, alias Hushpuppi, was granted an express visa to America demystifying his home cult status.

As if that is not enough, our diaspora minister, Abike Dabiri-Erewa, gleefully announced, that Dubai has jailed six Nigerians, acolytes who wire cash to our children – the Boko boys and girls.

Boko Haram’s bloody business has become a gold mine. Snake charmer Tukur Buratai, whose wealthy wives have houses in Dubai, would not be army chief if Boko Haram was destroyed. Powerful lawyers would not let me name others who call Dubai home.

How Dubai would make such frantic attempts to stop a trade that has brought down a southern president and earned the ultimate respect for a failed retired general beats rational imagination. The attempt by the Emirates to destroy the only legitimate business minting Nigerian emergency millionaires could ruin the friendship between our two nations.

Intelligence hints say that the Emirates used their forensic financial expertise to carry out this sting operation. This is an unwelcome attempt at preserving the lives of Nigerian soldiers. It is as dangerous as any attempt to rejuvenate the Lake Chad Basin and help IDPs safely return home.

If the Emirates are allowed to keep going at this pace, one day they may ruin business for arms traders, bring peace and tranquillity back to the northeast and rob northern politicians of the single vote-grabbing promise at campaign rallies. With friends like the Emirates, who needs enemies?

The Emirates might soon increase the queues at British, American, and Canadian embassies. This way, Dubai could wake up one morning and place embargo on Nigerians owning property in their God-forsaken paradise in the Arabian dessert. They could nationalise the hard-earned property of hardworking Nigerians until proof  of legitimate sources with commensurate tax receipts.

The Emirates could publish the accounts of famous Nigerian politicians, musicians, business people and evil servants with money in Dubai banks, thereby destroying our very bad image. Why does Madam Dabiri-Erewa not see this danger and follow Lai Mohammed by deleting her Twitter handle?

One is concerned at what the Emirates are trying to prove. Is it that they know how to trace money? What do they know about forensic auditing? We should tell them, that when it comes to following wire transfers, the Central Bank of Nigeria, CBN, is a master.

Only days ago, CBN’s forensic experts traced how young people wired cash to fund a highly successful peaceful protest to end the impunity of a murderous police outfit appropriately named SARS. SARS, like the disease it shares an acronym with, is a destroyer of hopes.

Nigerian parents work extra hard to raise and train kids in the hope that when they are tired or retired, their children would take care of them. The few lucky ones to have worked long enough for pension know they’ll never get it alive. With SARS in operation, no Nigerian parent is allowed to rest in peace on earth before resuming duty as ancestors. Every parent prays that when their human retirement benefit goes to buy bread, they would not end up in the morgue courtesy of SARS. Most times, their prayers enter voice mails and they are left to mourn till death makes them ancestors.

With Boko Haram sponsors roaming free, those who contributed to organise peaceful protests are being rounded up. Meanwhile, in nearly two decades of its operation, CBN forensic experts are yet to trace the account of a single Boko Haram sponsor. Why? Because Boko Haram is good for business while peaceful protests ruin nations.

Unpatriotic elements are asking the stupid question – how come nobody has traced Boko Haram sponsors? Asking such questions is treason in Nigeria.  Some have argued that Boko Haram kills, maims and stifles development. They forget the golden opportunity for redemption. A citizen who organises protests could end up dead, in indefinite detention, or jail while a ‘repentant’ Boko person could earn a scholarship to study abroad. There are no such opportunities for loyal protesting citizens.

One thing is now sure – repentant Boko Haram would never be sent to Dubai, seeing that the Emirates don’t know how to keep our national secrets secret. In short, friendship with Dubai is bad for business.