Having relatives, whether distant or immediate, live with married couples in Africa is quite common, but is this something everybody embraces? LifeXtra takes a look at varying views about the issue.
Our ancestors had large families and even went as far as having big compounds to house almost all members of the family – extended and nuclear. But times are fast changing. You would discover that some persons are skeptical about the idea of living with extended families while others do not mind. Let us see what Nigerians think about this matter.
Mopelola Jacobs, 28-year-old resident of Adamawa, says she doesn’t subscribe to the idea of any relative living with her in her matrimonial home. She said, “I know how normal people think this is but I don’t like it one bit. Before I got married, I talked to my husband about this, and we agreed not to do this if we can help it. This is mainly because some of these relatives cause problems in the home. It’s not their home so they don’t really care. They come and do the things they can’t do in their own homes. Then it eventually causes problems between the couple. Although not all of them are like that but it is better to be careful than start what you can’t finish. We are newly married and that has worked well for us so far.”
Ahmed Abdulkareem, 36-year-old civil servant based in Minna, said that he doesn’t have a problem with his relative or that of his wife living with him. “I am a family man and it is normal for my relatives to stay with me if they want to. Even my wife can bring her family members to live with us. Not everyone is privileged to live alone and take care of themselves. And if Allah has provided so much for you, why not bless others by doing as much as you can do for them? Even right now, I have some of my wife’s relatives living with us. That is not a problem at all,” he said.
Thirty four-year-old Queen Amokachi, a Lagos-based business woman, said she doesn’t mind if relatives choose to live with her and her husband. “I don’t have a problem with this at all. In fact, the second month after I got married, two of my brothers came to stay with us. So, I learnt very early how to live with people. But they know me very well. They dare not misbehave or cross their boundaries. I have a husband who is very supportive of me and doesn’t let anyone cause problems between us. So, that has given me the upper hand. If they behave well, everyone will be fine. If not, they will all go back to where they are coming from,” she said.
Emma Andimi, 42, told LifeXtra that he doesn’t mind housing relatives he can vouch for their character. “I try my best to be very calculative and meticulous when giving my consent to this. I am a very private person and I have housed people in the past. But, I make sure they are people I can vouch for. I don’t like problems neither do I want people who will cause misunderstandings in my house. My wife is not a troublesome person so if she starts to complain about you, then I know you are a problem. That’s my stance on this matter,” he said.
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