Is it advisable to be friends with your ex after marriage?

Friendship is a sacred bond that should not be betrayed. But would you as a married woman or man still be friends with your ex? LifeXtra takes a look at varying views about maintaining friendship with their exes after they are married.

It is not everyone you date that you eventually end up with because things happen and people go their separate ways. However, not all breakups are as a result of toxic relationship.

A relationship could end because of reasons other than betrayal, abuse, incompatibility, distrust etc. There, however, seems to be a general belief that an ex should remain in the past of one’s life. The fear of one cheating on their spouse with their supposed ‘ex’ cannot be overlooked. But, some people think there might be good reasons why keeping in touch with an ex could be worth the while. LifeXtra asked some Nigerians if they would remain friends with their exes after getting married.

Tola Adeniji, 29-year-old civil servant, said she would try to avoid any ex of hers being friends with her. She said, “I will not disrespect my husband like that. If the ex wanted to be my friend, he would have married me. But he didn’t. My husband is my friend. So, no, I will not be friends with my ex once I get married.”

Banji Thomas, 37, told LifeXtra that keeping his ex as a friend is a temptation one should not fall into. The businessman said, “She is my ex for a reason. She was someone I once loved and had feelings for. Someone I hoped to marry. So, why will I remain friends with her? It is possible for those old feelings to come back. And that would be me setting myself up to cheat. When people do this, they are planning to cheat on their spouse. That is why I will keep my exes at arm’s length,” he said.

Stephanie Okorie, 31-year-old lawyer, said, “I don’t think it is a bad thing. I have some friends that are my exes. Some of them are lawyers and it is hard to avoid them in my line of work, just because they might be of help to me in future. But if I burn that bridge, I might find it difficult to get help when I need it. I understand that there has to be some boundaries. That is very necessary to avoid getting personal and intimate. But, I wouldn’t stop being friends with my ex because I am married.”

Prince Eke, 35-year-old entrepreneur, said he would not remain friends with his ex after marriage. “I will not remain friends with my ex because something is bound to happen between us with time. I will not do this because I will also not want my wife to do the same. My mind will not be at rest. So, I will do unto my wife what I want her to do unto me. If I see her being friends with her ex-boyfriend, I will not find it funny at all. The same should also apply to me,” he said.