The parents of my dream

Once upon a time, it was natural for every child to believe that the strongest and wisest man on earth is his father. For the child, the best cook, caring, loving and most beautiful woman in the world is his mother. For a child, the father and the mother were embodiments of knowledge, wisdom and everything that is good. For every child, parents are the models of virtue and positive character. I still remember this song of my father when I was a child. “Afebu, my child, talk like me, work like me, imitate me and do not imitate any evil person.” My mother would say to me: “My son, work does not kill. It makes a person strong. Laziness is a decease that negatively affect the society and the entire humanity. Work to take care of yourself, your family and those who may need your assistance.”  Here is the saying of my father that has become for me a radar in life: “My son, no matter how you kill an ant, there must be a mark. No matter where and how you discover yourself tomorrow; no matter your situation and position, leave behind a mark in a way and manner that those who will come after you will know that a person with rich contents of character once passed that way.  Okhifo and Aleabu Veronica Omonokhua are the parents of my dream.

I am really looking back with nostalgia to those days where children were not left for the house helps as surrogate parents. Can we still recover those days when parents had time to be present to their children? Can we transform the modern world of television and social media to meet the standards of those days when the child learns and gain wisdom from the parents? Can we rediscover the days of discipline when children do good for reward and avoid evil for fear of punishment? Fortunately, many rich parents who today do not want their children to suffer were not raised in the way and manner they are now raising their children. So we can still get it right. Parents who enjoyed traditional parenting in the stages of growth must appreciate that they learn to work to earn a living so they cannot afford to turn their children to lazy adults? These parents ought to know that even if they build houses for the children, buy cars for them and create wealth that the children would not need to work to earn a living ever again, nature has its role to play in the life of every human being. There is a sense of satisfaction and fulfilment in labour. Saint Paul wrote to the Thessalonians that those who do not work should not eat (2 Thessalonians 3:10)

Some parents in the past and now still remain heroes of parenting. Parents naturally love their children and want to give the children the best by shaping their orientation towards positive values. Good parents even when they want the best careers for their children do not neglect the utmost value of attaining salvation after life on earth. Good parents teach their children and the young generation the value of integrity like Eleazar, one of the foremost teachers of the Law, a man already advanced in years and of most noble appearance who was forced to eat the forbidden pig flesh. When he refused, those in charge of the impious banquet, because of their long-standing friendship with him, took him aside and privately urged him to have meat brought of a kind he could properly use, prepared by himself, and only pretend to eat the portions of sacrificial meat as prescribed by the king; this action could enable him to escape death, by availing himself of an act of kindness prompted by their long friendship.

The response and resilience of this ninety years old man is a lesson to parents who are ready and willing to compromise virtue and human life for their ambition and also teach their children to fight for power by all dirty means.  Eleazar took a noble decision worthy of his years and the dignity of his great age and the well-earned distinction of his grey hairs, worthy too of his impeccable conduct from boyhood, and above all of the holy legislation established by God himself, he publicly stated his convictions, telling them to send him at once to Hades. For Eleazar, such pretence does not square with our time of life; many young people would suppose that Eleazar at the age of ninety had conformed to the foreigners’ way of life, and because he had played this part for the sake of a paltry brief spell of life might themselves be led astray on his account. He said: “I should only bring defilement and disgrace on my old age. Even though for the moment I avoid execution by men, I can never, living or dead, elude the grasp of Almighty. Therefore, If I am man enough to quit this life here and now I shall prove myself worthy of my age, and I shall have left the young a noble example of how to make a good death, eagerly and generously, for the venerable and holy laws (2 Maccabees 6:18-31)

The parents of my dream respect the dignity and value of life without compromising honour for wealth and the things of this earthly life. The parents of my dream are hospitable and courageous to protect visitors like my parents did during the civil war. The parents of my dream are not religious fanatics akin to my paternal and maternal grandparents who loved people based on their humanity and not religious affiliation. The report by Hamza Idris and Yahaya Ibrahim on Sunday, 27 January 2013 that the Shehu of Borno appealed to the fleeing subjects to return to Maiduguri reveals the need to recapture the African tradition of hospitality. For me, the Royal father is a model of what a father should be. His Royal Highness, Alhaji (Dr) Abubakar Ibn Umar Garbai Al- Amin El-Kanemi, the Shehu of Borno and vice chairman of the Supreme Council of Islamic Affairs in Nigeria captured the fact that the value of hospitality which is the mark of a true father not only to the biological children but to every human person. According to Etsako tradition, the child belongs to the world. The Shehu said: “If we go back to the traditional system of administration, a situation whereby a stranger comes to your domain, his first port of call is the palace of the village head who will know why he comes, what his occupation is, for how long he would stay or has he come to stay permanently? This is done before the visitor is allocated a place to stay and a land to farm. If we have a register that we keep all these things, you would know who your subjects are. If such powers were given to the village head, and district heads, most of the challenges will be over. I feel if we can go back to that era, things will augur well.”

The true African father values human life. The value of money is what money can buy but there are so many things that are far above monetary value. In other words, money cannot buy everything. This is why the love of money is the root of all evil just as the attachment to material things is the most stupid venture of a parent. Not everything can be given in exchange for money. Children are gifts from God. This is why children must not be allowed to be victims of religious, communal, and ethnic violence. The modern parent of my dream should be able to contextualize Western education, religion and technology in a way and manner that modernity does not erode from the children the values Africa community. Naturally, to be an “African Child” is to love humanity, community, hospitality and patriotism. Now that my biological parents are resting with God in heaven, I am dreaming of a paradigm parent who will teach the children that “though tongue and tribe may differ in unity we stand” (Nigeria National Anthem).  I salute the parents who have impart on the children the virtue of love of neighbour that will be rewarded by God on the last day (cf. Matthew 25:40; Qur’an 76:8-9).

Rev. Fr. Cornelius Omonokhua is the Executive Secretary of Nigeria Inter-Religious Council (NIREC) ([email protected])