What misconceptions would you change in marriage?

A group of women were discussing and I found some of their views and counter-views quite intriguing. They were discussing what they could change in marriage, if given the power. Womanhood sought to find out the one thing common with marriages that people would like to change if they could?

Rabi Musa, 39-year-old lawyer, says, “What I hate most in marriage or some marriages is the manner people mistake the concept of a wife’s submission. I really hate that misconception. The sooner the difference between submission and slavery is learnt, the better for us women. I also detest how marriage sometimes robs women of their personal identity. If you are not married, you aren’t considered a woman in societal concept. It’s really is pathetic.”

Chinyere Morrison, 42-year-old nurse, says, “The feeling that as a married woman you are no longer free to be the person you used to be. Really! Some men go to the extent of saying ‘I have married you and you don’t have a choice than to do as I say. That mentality makes me really crazy. So, because she is married she loses the identity she has built for herself over the years?”

Olajumoke James, 38-year-old entrepreneur, says, “The belief that women are always the reason for the delay in a couples’ inability to have children. The pressure from society, in-laws and even families should stop; Likewise, the assumption that a woman is a failure when she gives birth to only female children.”

Esther Seun, 40-year-old banker, says, “The assumption that men are the only ones that have the right to cheat. When it comes to a woman, it becomes a taboo. The average African man even boasts about it as a God given right; how absurd and irritating. When a husband cheats, the woman is told to endure but when a woman does same, she is sent packing. Another thing I wish I could completely do away with in marriage is divorce. If we could do away with divorce, the world would be a better place for us all.”

Bashirat Lukman, 40-year-old nurse, says, “That mentality that women are men’s property and the superiority claims men enjoy over their wives is worrisome. Equality in marriages needs to be practiced and not just preached. Another issue that worries me is the issue of ‘mistake’. When a woman becomes pregnant after the couple must have agreed to stop having children, the whole blame is put on the woman. ‘How on earth did you allow this happen?’ is what you start to hear from the man. Hey, it was a two-man show, okay. She didn’t get herself pregnant or did she? Family planning is the responsibility of both husband and wife and not the woman alone.”