About two weeks ago, there was a story of how a wife stabbed her husband in defense of his frequent maltreatment and physical abuse. While telling her story, she said stabbing him was her only defense and that she didn’t really mean to hurt him. After all said and done, many have questioned why she remained in a hostile relationship. Womanhood discusses the issues.
Fatima Mohammed, 43-year-old nurse, asks, “Now that she is in the face of the storm, she has no one but herself to blame. Why on earth did she remain in such a relationship, till she had to defend herself in such a manner? It is really scary to know that some women out there still think that beatings and insane acts of jealousy by their partners equate love. Such women will look for every excuse on the face of this earth to remain with that man for the rest of their lives and only use the defense plea after the deed has been committed. What ever happened to walking away?”
Bunmi Bamidele, 41-year-old banker, says, “Many go into marriage without understanding the real intrigues of marriage. Ironically, our youths consider marriage as just a ceremonial or temporary phase. They fail to understand that marriage is a union between man and woman and before this can happen, they ought to have known and understood each other to a certain level. Knowing his/her habits, family background will help a great deal in helping you understand the kind of marriage you will be getting yourself involved in. whatever the case, no one should wait to be pushed to the wall to call it quits, especially when their life is in danger.”
Nneka Oparah, 42-year-old doctor concludes that, “Most times, it’s the ripple effect from a dysfunction family. Many women feel the best way for a man to express his love is for him to physically abuse her, why? Because that is how they have seen their parents express themselves while growing up and believe that is the best way to find happiness. God help the woman who seeks physical battery from a spouse as a way of expressing his love for her. This brings me to an issue I have always advocated – we should have counseling units in every school, worship center, office etc. There’s really lots of evil out there and sadly, we don’t really value counseling for people whose minds have been psychologically warped by such dysfunctional displays in early life. Many are afraid to open up and having counselors in these places will help these troubled souls.”
Hauwa Suleiman, 40-year-old, lawyer says, “It’s very unfortunate how many of our youths tend to misinterpret love. A husband keeps hitting you to a point of having to get yourself treated in the hospital and all you can think is that he loves you and that’s why he gets worked up to that level. Hell No! Where is the love without peace, joy and happiness? Any relationship that can’t respect and sacrifice for your wellbeing is equivalent to moving separate ways. Leave a violent marriage or die, it’s that simple!”
Bilkisu Bello, 42-year-old PR consultant, says, “The woman is first a victim of the society we live in long before an abusive husband lands her the first slap. She has been conditioned to be patient and ‘endure’. The circle of violence continues when her children see what’s happening and believe that’s the norm. The African cultures in most homes have become shadows of themselves. Parents – mothers especially, don’t take time to teach or even counsel their children towards living a fulfilled and impactful life in future. The family unit itself is beginning to loose its relevance as we are gradually slipping to a trend of every man to himself.”
Women every day are becoming endangered species in the society. The patriarchal culture and sense of ownership is absolutely disgraceful and ignorant and becoming a growing concern for all. Whatever the case, no woman or man should remain in a violent relationship.
Join Daily Trust WhatsApp Community For Quick Access To News and Happenings Around You.
