Becoming an adult without a father

Many people tend to see single mothers as irresponsible women but forget that no woman truly wants to be in that situation. Circumstances have forced a lot of women into becoming single mothers. Has anyone ever bothered to ask why the fathers decided not to be part of the lives of these children who are single handedly raised by their mothers?

Many children these days are growing up without their fathers and many at adulthood are at a crossroads on whether to connect with their fathers or not. A friend narrated how her son expressed worry over how he would become an adult without a father. How do single mothers feel when asked these kinds of questions? Womanhood finds out.

Shola Olalere, 39-year-old teacher, says, “I am thankful for my son because even though his father has not been in his life, our son still loves him. I tell my son always that his father is a good man. What do I gain by telling him bad tales about his father at this young stage of his life? If I do that, I will only destroy his psyche which will make him a different person in future. I don’t need that happening in my life. Nothing will ever change for me and my son. I just continue to pray that his father gets it right with him in future.”

Haleemat Adeniji, 35-year-old accountant, speaking out of experience, says, “Having been brought up by a single mum, I can’t recall my mum for once speaking evil about my dad. I always asked after him and she always had something good to say about him. During my teenage years, I tried to reach out to him and he just wasn’t ready to be associated with me, so I let him be. I was really hurt and decided never to have anything to do with him again. He had a family and had children he would rather be associated with. During my graduation, I was surprised to see him there, looking really frail; at that moment I felt nothing but forgiveness. His eyes asked for forgiveness from me and I had no choice but to forgive him for not being there for me all these years. Today, we are best of friends and he keeps asking for forgiveness every single day we meet. I found out that since I forgave him, I’m no longer burdened by his absence.”

Patience Ajani, 40-year-old entrepreneur, says, “My children don’t need someone who constantly decides to put them second. I have a wonderful man who loves and cares for them like his own. Forgiveness is essential but as someone who has lived with this, I can assure you that forgiveness is not for their absolution but for your own healing. We owe them nothing but we owe ourselves healing and peace of mind.”

Amina Shuaibu, 41-year-old consultant, says, “It is believed that there are two sides to every story. Not all fathers are irresponsible? There are fathers out there who want to be part of their children’s lives but the mothers won’t have any of that because they are still bitter about their relationship not working out. These mothers lie; make up negative stories about their child’s dad to whoever cares to listen and to their children. This situation happens every day and we see it but ironically take it to be the norm.