Parenting is not an easy task as there are no hard and fast rules about the dos and don’ts. While some prefer a particular method of parenting, others may see it as unfit for their kids.
There are no exact rules as to the best way to discipline a child because what might work for one parent might not be feasible for another due to variables that can range from environment, religion, culture, age, social status, social class, gender et al.
Arguments often persist about discipline with some people believing that a child should be cautioned and appropriate punishment meted there and then when an infraction occurs, while others are of the opinion that the punishment should not be immediate but at an appropriate time and place.
With this in mind LifeXtra asked some people their stance. “Should a child be cautioned and punished in public immediately if he or she misbehaves or should cautioning and punishment be left for an appropriate time and place?
Mrs. Victoria Nwakaego Uche, a grandmother, is an advocate of immediate discipline. Speaking to LifeXtra, she said “I will discipline the child there and then, and when I get home I’ll still discipline the child and then tell the child the reason why I disciplined him/her.”
“That way, the child would know that what he or she has done was wrong. As such, there wouldn’t be a repetition.”
Some other parents however believe indoor discipline is better to avoid exposing the child to shame and embarrassment outside. This can be seen in the experience of Jonathan Edor who said his mum waited until they got home.
Speaking to LifeXtra, Edor said “As kids, whenever we went out and any of us misbehaved, my mum would wait until we got home, then the discipline would begin but then she would have given us that look that says “let’s get home” so we already knew we were in big trouble.”
An Abuja-based data analyst who pleaded anonymity, said “As long as this punishment is not meted in such a way that it can be considered grievous, doesn’t physically harm the child, or is not considered too much for child (all of which shouldn’t be done even in private), that decision is entirely up to the parent.
“Of course, there are places you shouldn’t make a child cry because the commotion will distract other people; places like the cinema, place of worship, library etc. Outside these places, the decision of when a child is to be punished or cautioned is entirely up to the parent.”
Sarah Beckley says “This I believe would depend on the age of the child majorly. Much younger children don’t have a long attention span and won’t remember if you wait. You better address it there”
Chichi Mildred says “Growing up, my parents never hit us in public, but we always got the ‘eye’. That eye always held a promise for punishment later.”
A radio on-air-personality Buchi Onyegbule makes a case for public correction of a child. He said “I like the possibility of a child’s punishment being used to show example to other children present when the infraction occurred.”
He however stated that he is wary “of breaking the child’s spirit” which can occur when such is done publicly.”
He said “I much prefer private punishments. Public admonitions should be very mild, so that it doesn’t create resentment and the punishment becomes a problem in itself.”
Ugochinyere Enya Chukwu, a Youth Corps member, feels that a child’s age should be the determinant factor.
She said “Certainly, some children are too young to connect the dots and would regard subsequent punishment as cruelty.”
She added that the offence should also determine the mode of punishment, “if a child doesn’t greet an adult, it would be appropriate to correct him or her there so she greets. If a child calls another child names, it would be appropriate to correct him/her there so he apologizes immediately.”
Ugochinyere says protecting a child from low self-esteem should be paramount when punishment is meted “While we must discipline our children, we must also protect their self-esteem. Low self-esteem causes a lot of problems. Some punishments especially for older children can be delayed and done privately.”
Healthychildren.org, a website by the American Academy of Pediatrics in an article “What’s the Best Way to Discipline My Child?” gives some strategies which includes Show and tell.
It stated “Teach children right from wrong with calm words and actions, Set limits. Give consequences. Hear them out as Listening is important. Give them your attention as the most powerful tool for effective discipline is attention-to reinforce good behaviors and discourage others, also redirect bad behavior as sometimes children misbehave because they are bored or don’t know any better. Find something else for your child to do.”
The article also pointed out that parents should learn from their mistakes and those of their kids. “Remember that, as a parent, you can give yourself a time out if you feel out of control. Just make sure your child is in a safe place, and then give yourself a few minutes to take a few deep breaths, relax or call a friend. When you are feeling better, go back to your child, hug each other, and start over.”
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