When secrets become a burden

We all have that friend we confide in whenever the need to talk arises. We tell them things we can’t tell our parents, siblings, and even spouses. We tell them everything, I mean everything! What then happens when such a person decides to tell all to your parents, siblings or spouse?

A lady explains her burden, “I am pained and feel guilty anytime I see my friend’s husband because I know some of her secrets which she has kept with me for years even before she got married to him. This is a burden I can no longer carry and feel the need to open up to her husband. But I am worried that if I do that, I may be destroying our friendship and her home. What do I do?”

Hafsat Yakubu, 41-year-old medical practitioner, says she was never really a friend in the first place. “What? This secret has been with you for years, even before they got married and the urgent need to let her husband know just crept up now? Ok, my advice and opinion on this matter is: she confided in you, please stay away from your friend’s marriage and mind your business. It is not her place in any way to tell her friend’s husband. For goodness sake, she confided in you. Mind your business and, by the way, she is not a good friend because if she is, she wouldn’t be looking for ways to destroy her friend’s home under the disguise of a long time secret becoming a burden to her now.”

Falmata Ahmed, 39-year-old hotelier, says, “ So because she confided in her, she now feels she has super powers over her friend and has taken it as a duty to expose her to the husband or what? I just don’t understand. She says they have been friends before the marriage so why the unnecessary feeling of guilt? Why didn’t she just let the cat out of the bag before the marriage? If you ask me, something isn’t right here. There is certainly something else she isn’t telling us. Meanwhile, she should mind her business.”

Patricia Okwudili, 38-year-old banker, asks what gain will come out of this situation. “It is said that a man’s enemy are members of his household or around him. This simply shows that she has been secretly jealous of her friend. You suddenly want to spill a secret she confided in you years ago? What will she gain from this? People need to understand that once someone confides in you, it’s the highest level of trust and loyalty that they have given you. Being in a privileged position to know things about her doesn’t give you the right to disclose anything she told you in confidence to anyone. She sees you as a trustworthy friend and that’s why she confided in you, so why do you want to betray her? Someone confided in you with her secret and you want to betray her? Just mind your business and allow Karma deal with her.”

Doyin Owolabi, 38-year-old teacher, says, “I always tell people not to burden me with secrets. I have enough to deal with on my own, so why should anyone add more to my burden. A secret is a burden. Let everyone carry their secrets close to their chest. We are all humans and prone to let out a bit from secrets confided in us. No, I don’t want to be burdened with other people’s secrets because I will certainly spill a little if not all to get my sanity back. So many secrets will die me, some I’ve even managed to forget willfully.”

Bunmi Lawal, 40-year-old career coach, advises, “And next time, it’s okay to stop her from saying more when the secret starts getting uncomfortable. Spilling the beans is betrayal, however it feels.Two wrongs don’t ever make a right. As a rule, I have always told myself to never share a secret you don’t want anyone to know about. Secrets are best kept with you and no one else. This should serve as a lesson to all.”