When a compliment goes wrong

This week, a viral tweet set a robust discourse on etiquette. A lady explained how a guy who came for an interview told her, ‘you smell nice’. She was angered by the comment. Social media has gone agog with disagreements and agreements over the comment. Would you say he was right or wrong? Womanhood samples opinions.

Obiageli Arinze, 39-year-old lawyer, says “If you want to compliment somebody? Do so by all means but there should be context. In this instance, it was in an interview room where your immediate future is to be determined. I have asked myself several questions; how could someone I don’t know tell me I smell nice? This over familiarity across gender is what I don’t get.That was not a social gathering, it was an official engagement and they didn’t know each other before that day. For me, telling me I smell nice is stepping out of line, period.”

Oluwakemi Olubukola, 38-year-old beautician, says “I have heard people say that what the young man did was tantamount to sexual abuse. How? Complimenting someone’s smell is not a physical advance or a sexual remark. I think we must truly be mindful of the words used, so I do not believe this is sexual harassment. He was simply appreciating her smell and felt the best way to let her know was to tell her. In my view, I think the lady is just too hard; she is sure someone that is hard to please. Is someone compliments you, you either take it or leave it. Why bring it to social media?”

Aisha Abba, 40-year-old medical personnel, says “Perfumes are meant and can invoke sensual feelings. In that regard, the compliment was so wrong because it’s an interview setting. Let someone who is close to her or intimate with her smell her and do the compliment. If he was so desperate to compliment, he could have said he likes the working environment or the neatness of the office or the well-arranged office etc. And if he really liked her perfume, he should have simply put it in the right context by saying, ‘I like your perfume’ or asked the name of her perfume. That may have helped him.”

Amina Mustapha, 41-year-old accountant, says “I always tell my children and those around me that there are certain speeches for certain instances or people. People are ignorant of the fact that the everyday language they use for their everyday friends, parents, lovers etc is different from the language we would use for someone we are just meeting or at a social gathering or even a boss. In a standard job interview in a western world, you dare not say such. You stick strictly to what you came fore. To prove you are the best candidate for the job, as professionally as possible without crossing any boundaries or getting overly personal with your interviewers. Did he go there to answer interview questions or to perceive smell? Some people don’t recognize boundaries at all.”

Maimuna Isa, 40-year-old engineer, says “I’m really surprised that a lot of people don’t get this. I’m more appalled by the thought that most people are of the view that the guy was right to have complimented her. It just tells you that we have a long way to go as a people. What business does her perfume have with him and the interview he attended? Most people don’t know that was way out of his boundary, this is how flirting starts. I won’t take it and don’t think anyone should. It’s simply unprofessional.”

The dearth of manners, professionalism, values, and ethics is evident in our society. Know what to say and when to say it and most importantly to whom. Boundaries should and must be respected always.