No, Aliyu is not ‘alive and well’

‘Do you see what I mean when I said our people have grown to see living in dirt as normal and not an aberration? This is the proof.’ I said, raising my head from my phone screen, to look at Tahir, who was on his favourite chair in the sitting room.

“What do you mean this time?’ He asked casually.

‘I mean this unfortunate story that’s making rounds on both traditional and social media. Apparently an insane man, for he is nothing less as far as I’m concerned, has promised to bath in and drink from the gutter for ten minutes, if the President wins a second term. So he went ahead and fulfilled his promise after the announcement of the president’s victory. Now why would anybody think of indulging in such an unhealthy and dangerous stunt, if he hadn’t grown used to seeing the gutter as nothing bad or ugly? Why couldn’t he think of doing something worthwhile like maybe cleaning all the gutters in his neighborhood or even getting rid of a refuse dump which I know is there on almost every street in his town? Why indulge in such a dirty enterprise when in our religion, The Prophet, SAW, had said “Cleanliness is part of faith”. What possible gain is there in his dirtying himself and taking dirt into his system when normally a person can’t tolerate one second in a gutter, if he happens to fall there by accident?’ I queried.

‘Some people are weird Bint. Just accept that and you won’t have to be agonising over the odd things they do in their weirdness.’ He replied, the disgust obvious in his voice.

‘But weird is putting it mildly Tahir. I have every reason to believe the young man is mentally unstable. No one in his right mind will do this to himself, I fact no one will even promise such a dirty undertaking to celebrate something he considers good. The last time someone committed himself to an extreme stunt, in celebration of the president’s victory, was when a young man trekked all the way from Lagos to Abuja in 2015. As difficult as that was, it was also a heroic thing to do because of the physical exertion it entailed.

But when a man deliberately enters a gutter, as horrible as gutters are in this part of the world, and also drinks from it, taking all that poisonous waste into his system, what is heroic or admirable about that? For sure, if he has a wife, she’ll be well advised to take him for mental treatment, and if he is about to have one, then the girl and her parents should end the relationship until he is properly treated in a recognized mental hospital. For I am truly convinced that this Aliyu is in need of psychiatric help.’ I concluded.

‘You may be right but also entertain the possibility that he is just weird and is seeking attention through this disgusting means. There are people like that, whatever will give them a little fame or notoriety is welcome, however odd and intolerable it might be to others.’  Tahir insisted.

‘Kai, but his case is truly extreme. And imagine the way he is boasting that he is alive and well, after a newspaper reported that he had died when he fell ill as a result of his dirty adventure. He came out to say he was alive and had just returned from a painting job he went to do in another town. Now what is he trying to prove? That ingesting gutter water is safe and harmless? That one can do that today and clean up to continue leading a normal life tomorrow? The implications of allowing this man to roam the streets freely, after this incidence are many. And one of them is that some people might decide to emulate him because that’s how odd people are. Indeed I’ve heard people say that drug addicts smell gutter to get high when they can’t get the real drugs, what do you think will happen when they now see people drinking it? Wa iyazu billahi, I shudder to think about it.’ I declared.

‘And now that you’ve said it, I remember that many people embarked on that ‘great trek’ adventure from different parts of this country, after the first guy made it to Abuja as a hero. You are right we have to hope that no other person will think of doing what Aliyu of Bauchi did, in celebrating the President’s victory.’ He concurred.

But we must do more than just hope Hubby dear, we have to call on government officials to grab this man and take him to a mental hospital and also foot his medical bill. Whether he is truly mad or just weird, it is only when he is treated like a mad man that no one will think of doing what he did. And we can’t afford to have young men ingesting poisonous gutter for whatever reason. Already our detractors are calling us all kinds of names after this election, we must not allow them to include gutter drinkers to the list.’ I opined.

‘No, we must not. And please let’s forget about this gutter guy for now. I really need enough peace of mind to enable me eat my next meal without disgust.’ He urged.

‘Don’t worry darling Hubby, gutter chapter closed. You’ll, in sha Allah eat your next meal happily.’ I assured, smiling at him.