Getting out of a toxic relationship

Despite the pain and humiliation some people are subjected to, on a daily basis, in their relationships, they still prefer to remain there, hoping that someday, somehow, things would change.

There are a variety of complicated reasons why women (and men) feel trapped in the cycle of abuse, overwhelmed by their manipulative and controlling abusers who ultimately damage their physical and mental health in unspeakable ways.

A lot of them live in denial of their situation and also choose to ignore the obvious red flags. Lifextra identified some of the signs of a toxic relationship as lack of communication, criticism and humiliation, fights and arguments, jealousy, blame game, lack of emotional intimacy, inability to forgive, verbal and physical abuse, among others.

Chilee Ikpeazu, a psychologist, says “abuse of any kind should not be tolerated, much less a toxic relationship. The problem we have is from the society and, sadly, the church. I once had a counseling session with a woman who was told by her pastor that God frowns at divorce and so she cannot leave her husband who had been abusing her physically, emotionally, financially and otherwise. His solution was prayer. How long would the marathon prayer last before the woman is either maimed or killed? Don’t get me wrong, I’m a Christian. But when a pastor insists that divorce is a nonstarter for Christians, he limits the options of a vulnerable woman.

“And then, her mother advised her to stay back for the sake of her children because divorce is not for honorable women. In their place, a divorcee is viewed with contempt. She would have failed as a woman if she was unable to hold her home together. So, this is why women die in toxic marriages. Thank God that today’s women are more enlightened and know exactly when to quit.”

Ikpeazu also advised victims of toxic relationships to step out of denial and seek help. “A lot of times, the victim lives in self denial and instead feels the need to rescue the abuser. Reasons ranging from financial incapability, fear of the unknown, love for the abuser, societal stigmatization and so on, could make a victim remain in an abusive marriage.

“For me, it is better to venture into the unknown with a sane mind than with a battered body and image. Learn to express yourself, be positive about life (make new friends and learn new things), make a decision to move on without your partner and stick to it.”

Living in a toxic marriage strips you of all happiness, affects your mental-health and physical well-being, diminishes your self-worth, and may even lead to suicidal thoughts.

According to an article ‘5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage’, published on www.marriage.com “Nobody deserves to stay bound in a toxic marriage. The thought of breaking a relationship you have invested in so long is a scary thought due to the fear of being left all alone and an unknown future. As a result, many of us choose to settle for mediocrity and try to live through the pain. However, none of us deserve to simply ‘settle for it’ and so need to leave such a marriage as soon as possible because nothing is greater than one’s emotional health and happiness.”