Patience is a much sought after virtue in today’s complicated and fast paced world. Some are born with it and seem like they are slow and ineffectual (untrue) and some have to learn it either by stepping back and realizing their own anger and some have had to learn it the hard way. As the year, 2018 slowly winds down, it is time for us all to take stock and see which part of our lives in the last eleven months needs a make-over. As we continue in our journeys of achieving success and trying to meet our goals and objectives set out in January 2018, we sometimes get frustrated when our goals are not met. As Psychiatrists will tell anyone who cares to listen, frustration does not open any positive doors, anger is stressful and can cause mental illness and can even affect others around you, causing unhappiness. Lack of patience has led to wars and destruction of families. Patience is kinder and often unravels what you cannot see or do not know and helps you to make better decisions for others and for yourself. I was as a young girl fairly impatient and have trained myself to be less so and more mature in my dealings. I have also learnt not to be quick to speak and find that it is always better to listen for longer so you do not make assumptions or hurt others. As they say, we are all human and occasionally can be hurt and speak out of turn. This is alright as long as it is not consistent anger and you speak in a healthy manner that is non-hostile. Only recently, I found out that a lady who had been quite unreasonable in her dealings with me had suffered a bout of depression during the period and had lost her sense of balance a bit. With the benefit of hindsight, I may have been less angry but I could not see what was going on in her life. This is why most times; it is better to be patient with others as you cannot see the backstory. That is not to say there aren’t very annoying, sly and idiotic people in our world, who betray, who pretend and who drive us all to distraction. And I have met them, people who are threatened by your very existence and who are permanently angry with you for no reason. It is our ability to manage these persons and manage our frustrations that is the spiritual exercise called patience.
I gift you today with five books on Patience. Enjoy.
1) A small book about a big problem: Meditations on anger, patience and peace by Edward Welch. Welch, a biblical counsellor and psychologist gives nuggets on how to manage anger and educates on how your anger can affect others negatively. This book is such a good book and you do not have to read it all at once. It is well segmented and you can pace it taking one lesson or one part per week while meditating on the issues. Excellent for all and more so for busy executives.
2) Patience: The Art of peaceful living by Allan Lokos. Patience is a coping skill. Tearing out your hair when there is a problem, swearing, shouting does not help. Always better to slow your roll, think it through ad then act. Lokos sheds light on this much sought after state of mind and provides a road map for cultivating greater patience in one’s life. It also throws light on how mild annoyance or rage can cause great unhappiness for others by your very action.
3) Working with children in the last 11 years at the summer boot camp I run yearly has shown me that rage starts very early on and children must be taught that it is not everything you want that you can get. I often tell my children when they were growing up that when we enter a shop, you are free to point at anything you want but if I cannot afford it, throwing yourself on the shop floor and making a scene will not change the fact that I cannot afford it so I always advise, don’t make a scene. I have seen many impatient children, hanging upside down in unbelievable rages in stores because their parents say they can’t get a bicycle. Trust me, they easily will grow up to be impatient like that. A favorite book for teaching children Patience is, I’ll wait Mr Panda by Steve Anthony. This is a beautiful picture book story about animals where of course the Panda is the lead character in the story. His animal friends are curious about what he is making. While all the other animals get impatient and leave, only one animal remains and is rewarded with a doughnut that Mr Panda is making. An excellent book for children on the virtues of patience.
4) The Power of Patience: How to slow the rush and enjoy more happiness, success and peace of mind everyday by M.J Ryan. This is a book that teaches you how to slow the rush and reclaim the forgotten virtue of patience on a daily basis. In a fast paced world where people expect everything to happen instantaneously, we tend to become aggravated when they do not. That feeling of franticness and feeling rushed overcome us when things do not go our way and anger sets in, leading to stress and illness and desperation. This book is a gem for slowing that rush and waiting when you should and acting when it is the right time.
5) I find often that very brilliant people are often impatient and do not realize that we are not all gifted with the same talent. Most brilliant people get hurt by that hurry and impatience. No matter how knowledgeable you are, character and patience complete you. This next book recommended is useful to all and would help all those young and old who think they are too brilliant while others are too slow. Emotional Freedom by Judith Orloff. A psychiatrist, Judith Orloff, has written a seminal book on how being more patient can lead to emotional freedom. In an article in Psychology today, she writes candidly about intuition and how that can help to make you more patient. She also explains that patience has enabled her take the right decision about her patients and helps her not to rush to prescribe or advise. By listening and being intuitive, she knows when to make the right move that will be useful and impactful. Judith Orloff explains in the write up about her book emotional freedom that it is important to understand that being patient is not analogous to being a doormat. It just means you understand how to wait your turn and translate your frustrations into power that works for you by understanding through intuition when to strike. She says it is emotionally freeing and gives you the practice of waiting, watching and knowing when to act. It is the practice of retuning your intuitiveness and centering yourself in a world full of frustration. It also helps to delay gratification. Judith Orloff says it should never be an outward show of rage but drawing inward towards greater wisdom. This is truly a book after my heart and highly recommended.
Bonus books:
All books on faith teach us that patience is a virtue. Grab your Bible or the Qur’an or any other religious book and learn the virtues of patience.
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