Who makes leave or stay decision in a marriage?

All marriages come with their difficulties but in some situations, parents take it upon themselves to request the marriage be dissolved if they notice that all efforts to reconcile partners aren’t working. The question now is, can parents direct their daughter to leave her matrimonial home due to the husband’s irresponsibility in terms of not being religious, not caring about his wife and children’s wellbeing and at the same time being disrespectful to his wife’s parents?

Ndidi Dikeh, 42-year-old consultant, says, “No woman will like the idea of her husband disrespecting her parents. As a woman, I can take whatever insult from my man but will never tolerate him disrespecting my parents. No parent wants to see their children have broken marriages but when the man begins to disrespect them even when they put in all efforts to bring peace to the home and it proves abortive, then they are right to decide that the union isn’t worth it.” 

Sikirat Balogun, 38-year-old teacher, says, “Every marriage comes with its challenges and this is definitely one of them. But I think once a woman is married, she is to take orders from her husband, but in this case it’s a dicey one. We are trained to believe that once married our hereafter lies at the feet of our husbands. But when such husband disregards my parent, what is expected of me? To still love and respect him? Remember we are talking about our parents here.”

Jummai Adamu, 40-year-old civil servant, says, “I always advice people that once we are married there is a limit to what we can relate to our parents. No parent will want to know, hear or see that his/her daughter isn’t getting the best from her husband. As parents, they would be worried and try to talk with the husband, which could be misunderstood by the man. We need to be careful once we are o married. Although our parent’s advice is good but experience has also shown some parents are irrational which in turn ruins the marriage.  Someone I know is currently regretting her divorce based on her parent’s advice. Regarding him disrespecting her parents, he should be called to order as he wouldn’t want his wife to do same to his parents.”

Safiya Abdulraheem, 39-year-old PR consultant, says, “Let me just give you a hint, there’s no perfect man anywhere. It’s either he has one flaw or the other. There will always be something to say or not to like about a husband. About her parents advising her to leave the marriage, the choice is really hers to make as her parents can only advise her. Our parents’ support is very important and one needs to be careful in dealing with them as they are held in high esteem in God’s sight.  My opinion is for her not to divorce her husband because her parents have asked her to. It’s a decision she has to make herself because she is the one to face reality. It’s also the same for situations where parents keep advising daughters to stay in a violent relationship for the sake of the children despite the trouble she faces in her matrimonial home. The bottom line is that the final decision to stay or leave is the wife’s and not anyone’s.”