Should you be friends with your ex after marriage?

Aki and Isla were very good friends that at some point, they became inseparable. Everyone knew they had feelings for each other because it was very obvious. Wherever they went to, they were the cynosure of all eyes, because they were both good-looking. Everyone thought they would get married, even their parents.

Unfortunately, to the surprise of everyone, they did not end up together due to some circumstances they couldn’t control. They ended up with different spouses but still kept in touch with one another. Isla’s friends felt that since she had gotten married, there was no need to keep in touch with her ‘former’ boyfriend because, according to them, what they shared or had was already in the past. But Isla thought otherwise. She told them she saw no reason why she should cut off every tie with him.

If you were in Isla’s shoes, what would you do? Today so many people feel that once they are married, they have no ‘business’ relating with their ‘exes’ in whatever way. This notion raises a question “Is it a good idea for two people who shared so much together to remain as friends, even after marriage?

Andrew Peter, who is married and resides in Kaduna, said, “Yes, because life itself is like a cycle, you might need each other in one way or the other in the future. I still keep my married ex-girlfriends close.”

Responding affirmatively, Abuja-based founder of Nibcard games, Kenechukwu Ogbuagu, said, “It can be unhealthy though if the line is not respected. But as a matured adult and because I am in love with my wife, I would always know where to draw the line. I will also let my wife know.”

Salim Yunusa, a poet, says “after marriage? I should think not. It’s over. One should move on. There shouldn’t be the need to explain your relationship to your spouse. It might cause unnecessary friction in the marriage.”

Michael Anan Onimisi, who is still single, responded with an emphatic YES. His reasons? “It will strengthen your friendship and draw a line between heart break, and healing. It will help amend past issues and create a better atmosphere of peace.

Dadson Ibrahim, a graduate, categorised ‘ex’ into two. He said, “There are two types of exes – the one you missed and the one you don’t. While it is entirely possible to remain friends with an ex after a breakup, according to science, it is not such a great idea. Therapist and author of Temptations of the Single Girl, Nina Atwood, said it is not necessarily wrong to stay friends with an ex, but she advises that it can be challenging, and can leave you in a tough spot emotionally.”

Also speaking to LifeXtra, Sunday Simon, also married said “This is seriously difficult to answer. But I think yes. We won’t be enemies, but the friendship should be at an arm’s length, separated by very long distance so that there will be no trespassing.”